Status Update • 27 January 2024

I had the second phase of my eye surgery this week. 

In most respects it went more smoothly than the first phase, although I could have done without waking up in the middle of the procedure. Apparently this happens more often than you might think. As a rule, most patients are too woozy from the anesthesia to remember that it happened, but for my part it was an experience I would just as soon never repeat.

Cue the Ramones: I Wanna Be Sedated.

Recovery seems to be going slightly more smoothly this time. For the first two days after the procedure I just wanted to sleep, or at least to hide in the dark and avoid sunlight like a vampire. Fortunately for me it’s been foggy all week—well, what passes for a heavy fog here in Minnesota, anyway. Back home this would barely qualify as a light mist.

The greater challenge I’m facing is that now that I’ve had both eyes done, none of my pairs of glasses are even close to being the right prescription for my new eyes. I’ve been told it will be at least a few more weeks until things settle down enough for them to give me a new eye exam and write a new prescription, so I endured a few days of eye strain and pounding headaches before deciding to go digging through my bin of old eyeglasses, in hopes of finding a pair that were closer to what I need now. In this I was successful, sort of. I found a pair I can use while working on the computer, as long as I don’t stay at it for more than an hour or so at a stretch.

What this means for Stupefying Stories is that we’re back at work, and almost back to what passes for normal around here. We’re caught up on dealing with the SHOWCASE queue and making good progress on the CLANKALOG submissions queue. We’ll be sending out acceptances, rejections, and for those who received acceptances but no contracts before this longer-than-expected hiatus, contracts over the course of the next few days.

Important Note: If you receive a rejection from us, please do NOT send us a new submission as an attachment to your reply to the rejection. Doing so screws up our submission tracking system and makes it really easy for us to lose your new submission. If you want to send another story for our consideration, please send it in a NEW email message.   

Thanks for your patience,
Bruce Bethke
Editor, Publisher, and Executive Cat-Herder in Chief
Stupefying Stories | Rampant Loon Press

_________________________

“A Jackass Walks into a Bar” • by Pete Wood

The sweat-stained customer glared at Inga. “I wanted a damned Dismal Stout, not crappy American beer. First day on the job?”

Inga knew it was a Dismal Swamp Brewery Stout. It was on the tap handle. “I’m sorry, sir.”

Sweaty brandished his phone. “My review’s live in five.”

Inga snatched the mug. 

Sweaty yawned. “I’m complaining to your manager, Missy.”

§

Inga dumped a dusty old can of American beer into a frosty mug. She scraped chicken wings from a long-gone customer’s half-finished appetizer onto a new plate.

She told Sweaty the appetizer and beer were comped.

He slurped his beer. “Now that’s a Dismal.”

“Absolutely.”

---

Pete Wood is an attorney from Raleigh, North Carolina, where he lives with his kind and very patient wife. His first appearance in our pages was “Mission Accomplished” in the now out-of-print August 2012 issue. After publishing a lot of stories with us he graduated to becoming a regular contributor to Asimov’s, but he’s still kind enough to send us things we can publish from time to time, and we’re always happy to get them.

For the past two years Pete has been in the process of evolving into a fiction editor, God help him, first with The Pete Wood Challenge, then with Dawn of Time, then with The Odin Chronicles, and now with Tales from the Brahma, a shared world saga that features the creative work of Roxana Arama, Gustavo Bondoni, Carol Scheina, Patricia Miller, Jason Burnham, and of course, Pete Wood. We suspect that Pete’s real love is theater, though, as evidenced by his short movie, Quantum Doughnut — which you can stream, if you follow the foregoing link.

Pete Wood photo by Lee Baker.

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off the key word: draft. Pete was so excited by this challenge that he even wrote a story himself—but neglected to include the key word draft, and thus his entry was disqualified.

Back to normal next week!

“Forgetting on Draft” • by Elis Montgomery

I say I’m drinking to forget. The barkeep fills my glass, and I sip.

Her name. Her face. My mind’s a wound, everything bleeding out—

Suddenly I’m pain free.

I’m also… hollowed.

I see my half-empty glass. The amber liquid of forgetting… something.

“I… think I made a mistake.”

The barkeep nods, pulls from a different barrel. “Don’t worry. We’ve got remembering on draft, too.”

He serves me a second potion. As I drink, I notice a stranger now sitting at the bar, staring at the barrels, unsure.

Not a stranger.

“Hi, Molly,” I say.

Her tears pool. “Hi, Max.”

---

Elis Montgomery is a speculative fiction writer from Vancouver, Canada. She is a member of SFWA and Codex. When she’s not writing, she’s usually hanging upside down in an aerial arts class or a murky cave. Find her there or at elismontgomery.com.

 

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: draft.

One more story to come!

“The Triennial Igneous Tri-Partite Competition” • by Pauline Barmby

The most important rule of Xavia’s most prestigious race was: no drafting.

Aurielle finished the fire walk and lava swim with personal best times. Then her dragon’s uncontrollable desire to nose right up behind other competitors got them disqualified.

Watching the race from the ground, they both winced as an accidental belch burned off most of a yellow dragon’s tail. The dragon’s flight began to falter; Aurielle and Rokarth leapt into the sky.

Rokarth positioned herself in front of the yellow dragon. He relaxed into her slipstream and let her glide them to a safe landing.

Drafting has its place.

---

Pauline Barmby is an astrophysicist who reads, writes, runs, knits, and believes that you can’t have too many favorite galaxies. She lives in London, Canada and hopes to someday visit her namesake main belt asteroid, minor planet 281067. Find more of her words at galacticwords.com.

Pauline has become a regular contributor to Stupefying Stories. Her most recent appearance in our pages was “Trans-Earth Injection.”

 

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: draft.

More stories to come!

“Service With a Smile” • by Gustavo Bondoni

 

General Stein watched the top-secret video of an alien ship, just like the one in Washington, destroying the Kremlin.

“We need an expendable force to judge their capabilities, before sending the real army out there.”

§

Antoine chanted “Earth welcomes you,” with the rest of the crowd.

An official-looking man approached.

“Welcome to the Army,” the man said. “You’ve been drafted.”

“We don’t have a draft.”

“We have aliens now. Here’s your rifle. There are no bullets in it, so no danger to our visitors. Just walk towards the spaceship.”

Antoine looked around. Everyone else seemed to have their rifles, too.

---

 

Gustavo Bondoni is novelist and short story writer with over three hundred stories published in fifteen countries, in seven languages.  He is a member of Codex and an Active Member of SFWA.His latest novel is a dark historic fantasy entitled The Swords of Rasna (2022). He has also published five science fiction novels, four monster books and a thriller entitled Timeless. His short fiction is collected in Pale Reflection (2020), Off the Beaten Path (2019), Tenth Orbit and Other Faraway Places (2010) and Virtuoso and Other Stories (2011).
 
In 2019, Gustavo was awarded second place in the Jim Baen Memorial Contest and in 2018 he received a Judges Commendation (and second place) in The James White Award. He was also a 2019 finalist in the Writers of the Future Contest.

His website is at www.gustavobondoni.com

Gustavo has become a regular contributor to Stupefying Stories and we have quite a few stories of his stories on this site. Check them out!

 

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: draft.

More stories to come!

“The Draft Horse Doesn’t Leave the Stable at Night Anymore” • by Jason P. Burnham

Maria held her breath to avoid breaking the pasture’s deathly silence.

She’d never seen a horse walk so gingerly—even Hank knew something was wrong.

Maria regretted ignoring the townsfolks’ exhortations to keep animals inside after dark.

Come on, Hank.

Hank’s hooves landed noiselessly, but still the piercing blue eyes crept closer.

As one, Hank and Maria sprinted into the stable, slamming the door behind them.

Thunk. THUNK.

The metal held.

Maria slept in the stable that night.

In the morning, ragged gouges in the door dripped ichor stalactites stinking of brimstone.

“You’re sleeping inside from now on.”

Hank whinnied.

 

---

 

 

 

Jason P. Burnham loves to spend time with his wife, children, and dog. Find him on Bluesky at @moparandgalen.bsky.social

 

 

 

 

 

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: draft.

More stories to come!

“Ante Up” • by Pete Wood

Lord Drax chewed his mutton sandwich and tried to pretend he hadn’t just bet the castle deed on a royal flush that never materialized. His opponent, the crown prince, must have more powerful magic.

Drax couldn’t stall forever. His black cat, his familiar, rubbed against his legs. Drax petted the magical animal and uttered an incantation for the dark forces to rescue him from his ace-high poker hand.

The prince glared. “Show me your cards.”

The sun disappeared behind black clouds. The wind howled. Two quick booms.

Lightning hit the castle, shattered the ancient stone walls. The poker table fell into a fissure.

§

Drax, clutching the now worthless deed,  watched his castle burn.

He vowed never to ask the forces of darkness for another favor.

---

Pete Wood is an attorney from Raleigh, North Carolina, where he lives with his kind and very patient wife. His first appearance in our pages was “Mission Accomplished” in the now out-of-print August 2012 issue. After publishing a lot of stories with us he graduated to becoming a regular contributor to Asimov’s, but he’s still kind enough to send us things we can publish from time to time, and we’re always happy to get them.

For the past two years Pete has been in the process of evolving into a fiction editor, God help him, first with The Pete Wood Challenge, then with Dawn of Time, then with The Odin Chronicles, and now with Tales from the Brahma, a shared world saga that features the creative work of Roxana Arama, Gustavo Bondoni, Carol Scheina, Patricia Miller, Jason Burnham, and of course, Pete Wood. We suspect that Pete’s real love is theater, though, as evidenced by his short movie, Quantum Doughnut — which you can stream, if you follow the foregoing link.

Pete insists that any connection between this story, all of this past week’s stories, and his story “Take Me to Your Litter Box,” is purely coincidental.

Pete Wood photo by Lee Baker.

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off at least two of the following key words: cat, poker, storm, sandwich.

More stories to come next week!

“To Hell and Back” • by Kai Delmas

Standing before the gates of Hell, I yell for Death to come and face me.

A dark hooded figure glides through the black gate.

“You know why I’m here. I won’t let you take him away from me.”

Death chuckles as skeletal hands slip from his robe and a scythe forms from the ether.

But I won’t be cowed.

“Give him back! I challenge you…”

Smoke rises and turns into a table with a chessboard.

“…to a game of poker!”

“What?” Death utters.

“That’s my challenge to get Charlie back.”

“Fine.”

The chessboard fades and cards appear.

Death never stood a chance.

Soon, the gate opens and my cat Charlie bounds into my open arms.

I’d go to Hell and back for him any day.

 

---

Kai Delmas loves creating worlds and magic systems. He is a slush reader for Apex Magazine and The Cosmic Background. His fiction can be found in  Zooscape, Martian, Crepuscular, and several Shacklebound anthologies. His debut drabble collection, Darkness Rises, Hope Remains, was published by Shacklebound Books. If you like his work you can support him at patreon.com/kaidelmas and find him on Twitter @KaiDelmas or Bluesky @kaidelmas.bsky.social

 

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off at least two of the following key words: cat, poker, storm, sandwich.

More stories to come!

“Hosting a Tempest” • by Ian Li

A tempest rushes down Mary’s chimney and nests in her fireplace.

Her house is a haven for uninvited guests. Mice holed up in her pantry feast undisturbed. She names the weeds sprouting through her porch. An adopted ghost even haunts her wardrobe.

She wonders what storms consume. It turns out, nearly everything. Wood chips, boxes of blueberries, Q-tips, marshmallow canaries—all are swept up into its many bellies. With a sharp gust, it rejects chocolate ravens, dark sunglasses, and a handful of blackberries, and refuses to be persuaded otherwise.

Poker in hand, Mary lets loose a flurry of stabs, the fireplace echoing with clangs of metal on brick. Message received, the hateful tempest storms off.

Mary decides to take applications next time.

---

Ian Li (he/him) writes speculative fiction and poetry from Toronto. Formerly an economist and consultant, he loves spreadsheets, statistical curiosities, and brain teasers. Find his writing at Radon Journal and Flame Tree Press, as well as at https://ian-li.com.

 

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off at least two of the following key words: cat, poker, storm, sandwich.

More stories to come!

“The Hand That Feeds” • by Tobias Backman

Emperor Guillard tossed his cards. He hadn’t won once today. And Lord Whiskers couldn’t even hold the cards without assistance.

That must be why no one ever uplifted cats.

Guillard sighed. “How did it come to this?”

Whiskers smiled, sporting needle-like fangs. “You have no poker face.”

“No, that.”

From somewhere beyond the walls, people shouted. You could almost make out the words now.

“I don’t even know what they want.”

Had he, perhaps, trusted too much in his advisor’s feline cunning?

Whiskers yawned. “Peasant stuff. The guards can handle it.”

There was a distant scream.

“And if not?”

“Then we jump.”

Guillard stared at the window. It was a four-story drop. For a second, he wondered if Whiskers was trying to kill him.

 

---

Tobias Backman is a Danish fantasy and science fiction author. He dreams of writing novels one day, but right now his attention span is limited to the shorter side of fiction. His stories have previously appeared in magazines such as Daily Science Fiction and Grievous Angel. He occasionally rambles about stories and writing in general over at www.tobybackman.com.

---

Have a Kindle? Find out what you’ve been missing!
Buy the four latest issues with just one click!

(Or buy just one, if that’s what you’d really prefer.)

 

 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off at least two of the following key words: cat, poker, storm, sandwich.

More stories to come!