Saturday, February 17, 2024

“The Fate of Time Travelers” • by Jeff Currier



Time machines were just a fad—never caught on like TVs, smartphones, or neural implants. The problem? There’s exactly one spacetime tapestry and every time jump is already woven in—no altering a single strand. 

Sure, a lucky few got filthy rich, and we know with certainty who shot JFK. But there weren’t crowds of time tourists watching the crucifixion, and so never will be.

Perhaps those who resist foreknowledge’s temptation are better people. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss. But I know my fate, how many times I’ll try, and fail, to save my beloved.

Only 1,379 attempts to go.




Jeff Currier works three jobs, so has little time to write. Hence, he writes little stories—like this one, or “The Foulest of Them All,” which we published last fall. Find links to more of his published stories at @jffcurrier on X or Jeff Currier Writes on Facebook.





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Friday, February 16, 2024

“The Captain's Mistake” • by Kai Holmwood


Charys made her way to the open-air ale stand at the center of the port, sat at the counter, and ordered her usual drink.
 

The seat beside her, not by accident, was occupied by a sturdily-built fellow in practical but expensive clothing.

“Are you the captain of one of the ships?” Charys asked as introduction.

The man turned to her and nodded. His face was handsome: rugged, but with clear intelligence in the eyes. He almost reminded her of Arrik, the only man she had ever loved—and the man whom the sea had taken from her. She pushed the ghost out of her mind.

“I am,” he said. “And you, miss? What brings you here?”

She felt his eyes roaming over her, taking in her garb: as practical as his, if more colorful. Maybe he noticed the body underneath too, but he had enough sense not to speak his assumption about her presence at the docks. “That one’s mine,” she said, jerking her head toward a ship as colorful as her clothes.

To his credit, his eyes widened only slightly. “My apologies, Captain. I underestimated you.”

She smiled at him. “Yet you accept it easily. For that, I’ll give you some advice I’ve learned after years sailing these waters.”

“I would welcome it.”

“Beware the strait,” Charys said. “It’s full of sirens. If you’re sailing their waves on a full moonlit night, there’s no escape. They’ll sing your men to distraction, then lure you off the ship for a night of bliss.”

“Then kill us?”

Charys laughed. “Goodness no, they aren’t violent. But you’ll lose sailing time, all for one night in a siren’s arms.”

“That… sounds terrible,” the captain said, but something darker gleamed in his eyes.

“The worst part comes after. I’ve heard sailors moaning for years about how no human woman can live up to that night. Really, it isn’t worth the risk of delaying your cargo. What did you say you were carrying again?”

“Rare Nemusian tea,” he said, but she could see his thoughts already elsewhere. “The full moon is tonight, isn’t it?”

“It is indeed,” Charys said.

§

Charys and her crew sailed into the strait that night as the siren songs skipped off the white-crested moonlit waves. All of her crew were women; she had long since found they were far less likely than men to be lured in by the call.

The rugged captain’s unmanned ship rocked in the waves, its sailors already on the sirens’ island.

§

The next night, as the moon began its slow slivering into darkness, Charys sat on a grassy hillock on the island with Liliana, her closest friend among the sirens.

“Would you like to try rare Nemusian tea?” Charys asked, gesturing toward the sealed container of hot liquid beside her. “I’ve come into a great deal of it. If you like it, I’ll bring you a bundle of the dry leaves.”

Liliana’s eyes turned sad. “Again, Charys? I’ve told you a hundred times that I wish you wouldn’t take advantage.”

“As though you don’t?”

“We sing our invitations to come give us children, but they are free to refuse. Very few turn down the offer, but that is their own choice. Besides, if you keep doing this, sooner or later they’ll figure it out and you’ll be hanged, or worse.”

Charys shook her head. “Being beguiled by sirens is one thing. Being raided by women while in your embrace is another. They wouldn’t dare admit it.”

“You’ll never stop, will you?” Liliana asked, the sadness in her eyes growing even deeper.

“Never!” Charys put on her best roguish grin to lighten the mood. “Not when there’s tea like this to be had. Try it, Lil.”

Liliana glanced at the vessel of tea, but didn’t reach for it. “Do you never wish our call spoke to your heart, Charys?”

“It would make my job quite a bit harder if it did!” Charys could hear her own forced lightness clashing against the waves and the moonlight. She sighed. “Sorry, I know you’re being serious.”

Liliana picked up the container and took a sip of tea, her eyes firmly fixed on the sea. “Has our call never pulled at you, Charys? Not—not even mine?”

“Never. No one has stirred me in years. Not since—” 

She broke off, unwilling to speak Arrik’s name aloud.

The women sat together in silence for a long moment. Finally, Liliana spoke. “We have sons and brothers, you know, living far from here in the Sea of the Lost. We don’t speak of them often.”

“Why not?”

“They’re too dangerous, Charys. We sing of a night of bliss, but they sing with the voices of the dead.”

“What do you mean?”

“They lure in ships by wearing the guises and voices of the lost, and promise one last night in the arms of the one you loved most.”

Arrik. She shivered. “Where exactly are they? So I can be sure to avoid them.” Something in the exchange felt familiar, like a mirrored echo of a conversation she had had a hundred times before, but her dead love’s face in her mind blocked out all other thoughts.

§

“Why did you lie to her?” Ligeia asked, as a ship draped in vibrant colors passed toward the distant Sea of the Lost. “If we bore sons, we would have no need of sailors.”

Liliana shook her head, swiping away a tear threatening to fall. “It had to be done. I pleaded over and over, but she would never stop raiding the empty ships, and word would have eventually gotten out. Sailors would have stopped coming, and our kind would die out.”

“The waters there are treacherous. Even if she survives, she won’t return to you.”

Liliana turned away from the retreating ship. “I know.” The tears insisted on falling now, as salty and grief-filled as the sea. “If we did have brothers and sons,” she whispered, “I think they would sing to me in her voice.”




 

Kai Holmwood holds an MA in Writing from the University of Canterbury in Aotearoa New Zealand and was awarded the H. W. Hill Prize at UC Berkeley. Her works have appeared or are forthcoming in Solarpunk Creatures, Stanchion, DreamForge, Flash Frontier, and elsewhere. She lives in rural Portugal with her Brazilian husband and two giant formerly stray mastiffs.

 

 

 

 

 




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Thursday, February 15, 2024

“Bride of Moon-Eye” • by Garick Cooke



Moon-Eye saw the dragonet as dusk fell:
a petite creature, no more than seven feet tall, with green scales brilliant as a dragonfly’s carapace and great, golden eyes. Her whole scaly body possessed a freshly-burnished look, as if she’d just shed her skin.

Moon-Eye had seen no female of his species for two hundred years; he was accustomed to think of himself as the last of his kind. He stared, dumbfounded.

The dragonet cast a glance over a smooth shoulder and raced away. Moon-Eye followed without thinking. They ran north, covering ground swiftly. Moon-Eye had in him the iron strength of six centuries of war, but the dragonet slipped away every time he neared. Her energy seemed boundless.

Their route took them into the blasted dead zone bordering the lands of the Moles. The great dragon of the south cast a long shadow—no one held sway here now but crows and slinking carrion-eaters. The Moles as a nation were defunct, broken by the dragon’s power. Once they realized that the dragon would destroy any city or fortified place that he found, they had scattered, hiding and subsisting in small bands.

But none of this was in Moon-Eye’s mind as he ran, pursuing the vision before him.

§

 He caught her, as he thought, in a hollow in the land where two hills met. There the dragonet stopped running and faced him. For a moment, she smiled. Then she was gone—winked out like a snuffed candle. Nothing remained except a fragment of jade upon the ground. Moon-Eye knelt and picked it up. The vision of the dragonet had been a snare-spell, he realized. The Moles were not known for their sorceries, but in their desperation, they must have turned to the old ways…

Then came the tramp and clang of armor. The Moles came down from the hills on all sides, carrying long, steel-bound shields before them. Moon-Eye grinned, showing his fangs. He drew his saber. He was surrounded, but he would take many with him into death—for Moon-Eye wielded the death-gaze, a gift from the great dragon himself.

The Moles closed about him, keeping their shields foremost. The death-gaze would not penetrate steel, but if one raised his head or lifted an arm to strike, Moon-Eye cast his eye upon them and listened to their screams. Still, he could not face in all directions. The Moles at his back struck hasty blows and ducked away. So, he fought a strange battle, always turning, the saber flickering here and there like heat lightning. The death-gaze played over steel more often than flesh, but under the weight of that fell stare, the Moles’ shields began to smoke and glow red. Flesh sizzled.

The Moles fought on grimly; they were stronger creatures than the drakes, and they wielded heavy two-handed axes and broadswords. Under their blows, Moon-Eye’s scales began to split and shed from his body. Blood oozed from the wounds. He felt himself weakening…

A Mole groaned and threw away his shield, his hand black and smoking. Moon-Eye struck him down with the death-gaze, making a gap in their circle of steel. He struck down another with his saber. Then a blow fell on him from behind, and he dropped the saber and went to one knee. He looked back to see the axe raised for another blow and finished the wielder with a look like a sword-thrust. There was another gap in the line now, but he could no longer exploit it; he was on his hands and knees, reaching for the saber. A Mole kicked it away. Another blow fell on him, and another—

He was on his face in the mud. He rolled onto his back and looked up into the triumphant faces of the Moles and swept them all with his gaze; in that terrible regard, they wilted like flowers in a blast furnace—

Silence descended on the little valley.

§

His Bat-Winged Eminence slept through the long nights. For the dragon a nap of seven or ten days was as forty winks, and he woke from his slumber grumbling. Something had disturbed his dreams. He lay for a time in his lair, feeling the weight of millennia upon his body. Then he crawled out into the pale light of the dying sun, stretched out his wings, and allowed his awareness to extend to all corners of the world.

Surely all was right in the land: the Moles were cowed, their cities in ashes. His own protégé, Moon-Eye, could be trusted to persecute what remained of that species. And yet…

His far-seeing inner eye alighted on the little valley to the north, where Moon-Eye’s broken body lay amidst the wrack of battle. The dragon snorted angrily, setting fire to the shrubbery before his lair. Absently, he stamped out the blaze with a giant, clawed forefoot. He flexed his wings, creaking like an old tree in the wind. He gathered himself and sprang away into the sky. Swiftly, he flew to the north.

The story of Moon-Eye’s fight was already clear in his mind by the time he alighted. He touched the drake with his power, mending the broken bones and stirring breath back into the small body, and Moon-Eye passed from death into a dreamless sleep.

The image of the dragonet was still foremost in the drake’s brain, and the dragon plucked it whole and perfect from his protégé’s mind. He picked up the pebble of jade and rolled it back and forth in his clawed forefoot. Such a lovely little thing!

He bathed the stone in steel and blood from the bodies of the slain. Out of these he crafted her image, and when he was finished, he breathed life into this, too, and laid her down to sleep beside Moon-Eye.

The dragon surveyed his work and nodded, pleased with himself. He incinerated what remained of the Moles and flung himself into the air once more, heading home. It was time to resume his interrupted nap.


 

Garick Cooke is a California native, but a long-time resident of Houston, Texas. A past finalist for the Baen Fantasy Adventure Award, now a member of SFWA, his stories have been published in Tales of Fear, Superstition, and Doom; The Depths Unleashed; Zooscape; and Horror Library, volumes 7 and 8, among other places. His Weird Western, “Big Man-Eater Owl,” is coming soon in ANVIL: Iron Age Magazine #4.

“Bride of Moon-Eye” was originally published in Page & Spine. It is reprinted here by permission of the author.

If you’d like to know about Moon-Eye and His Bat-Winged Eminence, read “Moon-Eye,” which we published last September. 

 




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Wednesday, February 14, 2024

The Never-Ending FAQ • after an acceptance, your next submission

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Never-ending FAQ, a constantly evolving adjunct to our Submission Guidelines. If you have a question you’d like to ask about Stupefying Stories or Rampant Loon Press, feel free to post it as a comment here or to email it to our submissions address. I can’t guarantee we’ll post a public answer, but can promise that every question we receive will be read and considered.

Today’s question comes from Luan, who asks: 

“Does Stupefying Stories have a waiting period after publication? Some mags out there state that if you have had a story accepted or published by them, you must wait some number of months or reading periods before you can submit to them again, to make space for new unpublished authors. [...] One mag says to wait two years after being published before submitting again. Do you guys have something similar?”

Huh. They really do that? I mean, I’ve heard rumors of magazines that had policies like that, but have never understood why anyone would want it. If I like an author’s story enough to buy and publish it, that means I want to see more stories from that author, not fewer. 

That’s how we wound up publishing Privateers of Mars, after all. Matthew Castleman sent us one great story about Jacob Rhys and his crew of space-faring scoundrels, and we liked it so much we asked if he had any more like it, and pretty soon he’d sent us enough stories to make an entire book. 

So we made an entire book, and the fans love it.

 

But this idea of telling successful authors to wait before submitting again: I just don’t get it. To me, it smacks of misguided egalitarianism. My goal is to put out the best magazine I can publish. To do so I need the best stories I can find, from the best writers willing to write for what I can afford to pay. If someone sends me a story that’s so good I want to buy and publish it—you’d better believe I want to see more stories from them, and sooner rather than later.

Why would I want to handicap myself by deliberately not looking at more stories from a writer who has already proven they’re good? 

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of some defect in my character, or some terrible mistake in how I was raised. I can’t seem to remember any track coach ever telling me, “Bruce, you’re running too fast. Slow down and let the other kids catch up.” Nor can I remember any teacher or professor ever telling me, “Bruce, you’re too smart. Why don’t you slack off and let the other students feel better about themselves?” This idea of not striving to get the best stories I can get… 

I really don’t know. But somehow I just can’t imagine John W. Campbell telling Isaac Asimov, “Y’know, Ike, I really like all these robot stories you’ve been writing lately, and the fans really love them. But why don’t you slow down and give other writers a chance?”

So to answer your question: no, we have no such policy. If you send us a story and we accept it, please send us another story. Soon. 

Sidebar: We do ask that writers send us one story at a time, in order to help us better manage our first-reading queue. We have had writers send us all their unsold stories in one huge dump and tell us, “Just pick out the ones you like.” Don’t do this. When this happens, the answer invariably is, “We don’t like any of them.” Submit your stories en masse and they will be rejected en masse.

§

In the follow-up conversation, Luan made the observation:

“I can understand where it comes from. Some feel that new writers aren’t given a chance, and so the waiting period after being published is born.”

I keep trying to get this message across to writers but they don’t seem to believe it. New writers really do get the same chance everyone else does: when your story shows up in the slush pile. We really do read everything that comes in—or at least, we try to. Sometimes we receive things that are so bad it’s a struggle to make it past the first page. 

But at this point in the process, the only things that matter are the quality of the story itself and whether it’s right for us at this time. We buy stories, not authors’ names, biographies, or lists of previous publication credits. 

To cite Isaac Asimov again, back in the 1980s he said that even he couldn’t sell a story just on his name alone. It still had to be not merely a good story, but a better story than all the other stories the editor who saw it was looking at that month.     

Once again, thanks for asking. Any more questions?

Kind regards,
Bruce Bethke
Editor, Stupefying Stories

 




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Tuesday, February 13, 2024

“Equally Long and Differently Wide” • by Susan Cornford


Marnie’s rotation stopped short. Humans never made allowances for wings in their sleeping arrangements. 

Gently she tugged her trapped appendage from under Brad’s heavier form and tried to resettle herself. Angels could sleep as much or as little as they liked, but when paired up with humans, they tried to fit in with their partner’s habits.

She must not have been as careful as she thought because she felt Brad shift onto his back and take a deep breath. “Hon? Are you awake?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Can’t you sleep?”

“I’m okay. How do you feel?”

“Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel because there’s never been a pregnant angel before.” She thought back to the wave of nausea she’d felt yesterday. “But morning sickness is normal in humans, so it only makes sense that I would have it too. Don’t you think?”

“How about now? Are you hungry now? I could make you some dry toast. That’s supposed to be good for upset tummies.”

Marnie sat up and sighed. “No, but I could use a drink of water, please.”  She smiled at him winningly. Brad shot out of the bed and headed for the kitchen, where he gave an extra wipe to an already clean glass and filled it carefully with the most expensive imported spring water. Only the best was good enough for his beautiful angel and their precious cherub to come. While he was there, he went ahead and made her some dry toast, just in case she’d changed her mind by the time he got back. You never knew with a pregnant wom…, um, angel.

Bearing his gifts in both hands, he returned and found the bedroom empty. With a little hunting around, he found her in the area that they had decided to use for the nursery, musing on the as yet unpainted walls. “I’d like to make them blue but, since cherubs don’t actually have a gender, maybe we should choose something else; we wouldn’t want it to feel we were disappointed about not having a boy.”

Brad wrapped his arms around her, wings and all, and murmured into her long, silky hair. “We are both going to love this little one so much that it will have no doubts that it’s perfect just as it is.” He led her gently back into the bedroom. “Now, drink your water and eat some toast if you feel like it. Then I’ll sing you to sleep.” Marnie sipped and nibbled and then lay down. It was Brad’s singing that had drawn her down from Heaven when she was doing her rounds of the various church choirs in the area she was designated to oversee.

Marnie snuggled down and Brad quietly began to intone Rock of Ages. As she drifted off to sleep, the child inside her pricked up His ears to listen. He knew that He had made the right decision about the way He had chosen to come back into the world for the second time.

 


 

Susan Cornford is a retired public servant living in Perth, Western Australia. She/her has pieces published or forthcoming in 365 Tomorrows, Ab Terra Flash Fiction 2022, AHF Magazine, Akashic Books Fri-SciFi, Altered Reality Magazine, Arzono Publishing Presents The 2023 Annual, Fudoki Magazine, Granfalloon Magazine, Theme of Absence, The Were-Traveler, and Wyldblood Magazine.

 

 




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Monday, February 12, 2024

“Cathy’s Ghost” • by Adele Gardner


The face in the window calls to me—those big, dark eyes, that haunted look—hair wild. 

I hover on the other side of the pane, peering in. This close to the glass, I hear his anguished shout: “Cathy!”

“Let me in,” I whisper. Because that’s what I always say. But I’m tired, tired of this charade, of following the script. I don’t want to get in. I want him to come out.

He’s so much older now. In my mind I still see the boy who arrived, as orphaned as I felt. I’d been left to run wild, ignored because I was a girl—or so they thought. In my heart I was a boy like Heathcliff.

Two parts, one whole.

Why wouldn’t he chase me anymore?

Frost formed at my fingertip as I traced my backwards message on the windowpane: Come out and play with me.

His shaggy brows shot into wild black hair. “Cathy?”

I tapped, pointing at my message.

He licked his lips. “Aren’t you cold out there?”

I refused to repeat those words. I shook my head, gazing pointedly at the moors, our moors, wild and beautiful and free. I could glide over them so quickly now. All I needed for perfect happiness was for Heathcliff to become a ghost and join me.

Slowly, he pried the window open. I beckoned. He put one leg through, then the other.

I held out my arms. “Join me.”

Heathcliff jumped.

My ghostly hand caught his.


 ______________________

 

 

Adele Gardner (they/them, Mx., gardnercastle.com) is a full/active member of SFWA and a graduate of the Clarion West Writers Workshop, with more than 500 stories, poems, illustrations, and articles published in Analog Science Fiction and Fact, Clarkesworld, Strange Horizons, PodCastle, Daily Science Fiction, and more. Their poetry collection, Halloween Hearts, is available from Jackanapes Press.

 

 

 

 




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Sunday, February 11, 2024

If you don’t feel like watching the Super Bowl today…

Assuming you are not already glued to your TV and watching all the warmups to the run-ups to the pre-game shows for today’s Super Bowl, here are three movies you might want to check out. Depending on your frame of mind, we recommend:

Black Sunday (1977)

 

If you’re in the mood for gratuitous violence, political intrigue, heroic Mossad and FBI agents chasing evil Middle Eastern terrorists, and then more violence, may we suggest Black Sunday. Based on the novel by Thomas Harris (The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal), directed by action movie master John Frankenheimer, this movie features Bruce Dern at his bat-guano craziest and tells the story of a disgruntled ex-Navy blimp pilot (!) who has been seduced by a beautiful Palestinian terrorist (Marthe Keller) as part of a plot to hijack the Goodyear blimp, turn it into a giant flying suicide bomb, and crash it into the stadium during the Super Bowl! Robert Shaw plays the intrepid and heroic Mossad agent who has been on the trail of the terrorists ever since Chapter 1 and saves the day in the final reel, and just all the way around, if you love thrillers, hate football, and don’t mind characters who have all the depth of cartoon characters, this one is great fun. Watch it!

Heaven Can Wait (1978)

 

If you’re more in the mood for a romantic comedy, may we suggest Heaven Can Wait. This 1978 remake of the 1941 adaptation (filmed as Here Comes Mr. Jordan) of the 1938 stage play (titled Heaven Can Wait and written by Harry Segall) stars Warren Beatty as Joe Pendleton, the quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams, who is accidentally taken to Heaven by his overzealous guardian angel (Buck Henry) and to correct the problem must be returned to Earth in a new body, whereupon much romantic comedy ensues before a wonderful happy ending. The casting is superb, the movie was nominated for nine Academy Awards, and if you’ve ever wondered why Warren Beatty was considered the heartthrob of a generation—or why it was such a pity he kept trying to play those kinds of roles long after he was way too old to get away with it—this is the one to watch. Highly recommended.

Wag the Dog (1997)


On the other other hand, if you really can’t stand to watch another thing about football and are far more interested in mankind’s oldest full-contact sport—war—may we suggest Wag the Dog. The story of an American president whose spin team gins up an imaginary war in the Balkans in order to distract the public from a presidential sex scandal, this is a wonderfully dark, cynical, and sadistically funny movie. If I was teaching political science and trying to get my students to understand the American politico-media complex, this movie would be required watching. The script is first-rate; the casting is flawless—Woody Harrelson is particularly good as Sergeant Schumann—and just all the way around, this one is worth a look. It is of course pure fantasy, and has nothing to do with anything that might be happening in contemporary reality.

Have a great day, and see you tomorrow!

Saturday, February 10, 2024

“A Sweet Attraction” • by Robin Blasberg


His mouth had watered when he first entered her confectionery shop. He hoped to learn her secrets and didn’t hesitate to ingratiate himself towards her. She, on the other hand, had other things in mind.

One day, she extended to him a personal invitation. Seizing the opportunity, he jumped at her offer and traveled deep into the woods to her home. His heart raced as he stepped into the clearing and laid eyes upon her house. He was entranced by its gingerbread construction. It was, in fact, irresistible. 

He was just savoring the pink cotton candy billowing from her gumdrop chimney when she came outside. “I knew I heard someone on my roof,” she said as she lassoed him with a coil of licorice and hung him from a candy cane. “Did you find it tasty?” she asked in a taunting tone.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I couldn’t help myself,” he pleaded. 

“I know exactly what you mean when you say that you couldn’t help yourself.” She smiled at him mischievously, her teeth gleaming like sugar cubes. 

He shuddered and began to panic. “Let me down!” he cried.

“Don’t worry,” she said sweetly. “You’ll be off the hook soon.” 

The oven was ready.

 

________________________________________


Robin Blasberg’s sweet tooth never fails to both captivate and inspire her. Look out for the unexpected because clever twists and surprise endings are trademarks of her work.

If you enjoyed this story, be sure to check out “The Night Parade,” also in Stupefying Stories SHOWCASE.





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Friday, February 9, 2024

“The Fine Art of Spellweaving” • by Catherine Tavares


Tricia averted her gaze to the tips of her pointy black boots as Mother Jina, Matriarch of the Western-Most Coven of Witches and proctor of Tricia’s final potion exam, fixed her with a soul-piercing stare. 

As she watched, a singed leaf fell from her hair and floated to the floor, where it joined the charred remains of its brethren.

“Um…” Tricia took a deep breath to try and steady herself, but choked on the acrid scent of smoky wood and floral ash.

“What was the plant that you used?” Mother Jina interrupted.

Tricia swallowed a large lump in her throat before speaking. “Uh, Rohani’s Night Candle—er, Noctilanta lucerna, ma’am.”

“And you were keeping it where?”

Tricia gestured halfheartedly to the shattered and blackened frame next to them. “The kitchen window, ma’am. A well-ventilated—”

“In a ceramic pot?”

“Runically reinforced, yes, so—”

“And did you read the instructions given to you before beginning your potion assignment?”

“Yes, but—”

“What were those instructions?”

“To collect four flowers from Noctilanta lucerna under a full moon at midnight, which technically I—”

“And is uprooting an entire magical plant and repotting it in your house a correct interpretation of those instructions?”

“Sort of?” Mother Jina gave a pointed look to the jagged new skylight that graced the ceiling, and Tricia winced. “Okay, no, but it was really cold the night of the full moon,” she blurted in a rush, “and I haven’t been sleeping well since exams started, and I’ve seen this done for plants with non-magical properties before, so I just… I mean, I thought…” Tricia’s shoulders slumped. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Indeed.” And it was the calmness with which Mother Jina spoke that told Tricia there was no way she was going to become a witch now. Years of study wasted because Tricia was too attached to her diurnal lifestyle to be bothered with following directions. She felt her eyes begin to burn from more than just the smoke.

“Do you know what I see here, Tricia?” Mother Jina finally asked. Tricia glanced at the chaos around them and wisely said nothing.

“I see,” Mother Jina continued, “flagrant disobedience to a centuries-old recipe. I see a novice disregarding the wisdom of one of the most learned witches in history. I see the fine art of spellweaving shoved into a window box. Do you know what that is, Tricia?”

Tricia sniffled pathetically, quietly composing her last will and testament in her head, “No, ma’am.”

Mother Jina gripped Tricia’s shoulders tight, eyes sparkling. “That,” the Matriarch said, “is genius!”

Tricia’s mouth fell open, but Mother Jina beamed.

“Forty-six years I’ve been a witch,” she crowed. “Forty-six years of trudging through the woods during the ungodly hours of the night for a measly flower or leaf. I can’t believe I never thought of this before! Bringing plants inside for harvesting. Cultivating them as… as houseplants! It’s brilliant!”

“But—” Tricia flapped her hands at the destruction around them. “I blew up my house!”

Mother Jina waved blithely. “Oh, attempting to tame a magical plant on your own was beyond stupid of you. But we witches haven’t lasted this long by resting on our laurels. I must say, I admire your gumption.”

Tricia could hardly believe it. She felt a smile start to creep onto her face. “So… I pass? I’m a witch!”

Mother Jina laughed. “Tricia, you blew up your house. You certainly do not pass.”

Tricia sank onto the remaining kitchen chair. “So, I’m… I’m…” She couldn’t even say it.

“Finished,” Mother Jina provided brusquely, picking her way through the debris toward the door. “For now, certainly. But… given the circumstances of your failure… I suppose you can try again after another six months of supervised training.”

“Really?” Tricia shot to her feet, bowing and stumbling outside after the Matriarch. “Thank you, ma’am! Thank you!”

“Yes, yes, yes. I’ll be back in a week to discuss your apprenticeship options, and I expect this disaster you’ve created to be cleaned up by then. Oh, and Tricia?” Mother Jina said, snatching her broomstick from where it still stood upright, despite there no longer being a wall to lean against.

“Yes, ma’am?”

Mother Jina mounted her broomstick and fixed Tricia with a stern glare. “Until I return, do not attempt the domestication of any more magical flora, or it’ll be more than your house destroyed next!”

______________________

 

Catherine Tavares is a speculative fiction author of the sci-fi and fantasy variety and a member of both SFWA and Codex. An avid reader, she spends most of her time haunting the shelves of her local library, but she can on occasion be persuaded to try a new recipe or work on a new knitting project. You can read her work and learn more about her at www.catherinetavares.com





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Thursday, February 8, 2024

“Chapter 7” • by Andrew Jensen


There was a community uproar when the Golden Sandworm closed its doors.

Well, for a given value of “community.” Comic book collectors were devastated. Fans of a dozen TV shows, past and present, were up in arms about it. And when those fans are “up in arms” they have a lot of weaponry to choose from, some of it quite sharp and artistically curved.

By rights, I shouldn’t have to worry about that. I didn’t make the money run out. I am a simple lawyer specializing in bankruptcy, and my job is to help small corporations in their time of need. Really! My life shouldn’t get more exciting than a tense confrontation with unhappy creditors. Yet for some reason, everyone hates me.

Fortunately, the crowd blocking the Sandworm’s door wasn’t too belligerent. The big guy with the Klingon collector’s blade had me worried for a bit, but one mention of the police took care of him. I didn’t even worry about the ones with their phasers set to kill, although one did hum in a disturbing way. The phaser, that is, not the guy holding it. I think.

The skinny girl with white hair, soft boots, green vest and a longbow caught my attention for a moment, but then I realized she was simply a fan. She reminded me of someone outside of the folk music store that went bankrupt last year. I almost got a restraining order against her, until I learned that she was the spirit of one of the flutes in the repair shop. She’d gone out to party, and came back to find the store padlocked. Once I let her rejoin her instrument she wasn’t a problem anymore.

But I digress. The real trouble was inside the Golden Sandworm, not at the door. Even then, I didn’t realize it until I was halfway through doing the inventory.

“Don’t you have people for such a menial task?” you ask. Yes, of course I do. But now you’ve discovered my weakness. I’m a fan. I couldn’t let anyone else take care of this one.

For example, I’ve wanted a Sonic Screwdriver for ages, but couldn’t justify it. It’s just a toy, right? As a respected businessman, I have to be disciplined and serious. Besides, I couldn’t decide between the thirteenth and fourteenth doctors’ Screwdrivers. Which would I want in my pocket? I knew I didn’t want Sonic Ray-Bans. I’m a bit of a traditionalist.

The display of Screwdrivers I was admiring wasn’t the problem. The talking alien was.

“Those things are a joke,” it said. “We’ve advanced far beyond glowing lights and funny noises.”

“I like the funny noises,” I answered with great presence of mind. I was peering around to see who was in the store with me. Had some crazy fan snuck in?

No, it was a little gray alien with big eyes: the classic Area-51 model, about two feet high. I was impressed with how life-like they’d made it.

“I’m actually alive,” it said.

“Can you read minds?” I asked.

It sighed a deep ‘why are these humans such idiots?’ kind of sigh. “Of course not,” it said. “But I’ve gotten really good at reading human body language. Besides, one of you always asks that one. You’re so predictable.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” I pointed out. “The store is bankrupt, and I have to sort through the chattels before the auction.”

“That’s why I spoke up,” said the alien. “We have rules against talking to locals normally, but I’m afraid I might be considered a chattel. I don’t want to be sold.”

“You’re a living, sentient being,” I said. “We’ve advanced beyond slavery here on Earth. You’d know that if you were local.”

“You don’t pay much attention to the news, do you?” I swear the little alien was sneering at me!

“Were you kidnapped by pirates or terrorists? Did the store’s owner buy you?”

“Are you stupid?” The alien looked angry, despite the huge, sad eyes we all know and love. “Of course not. But the man saved my life after my ship crashed here. He explained the rule that when you’re saved by someone, you owe them your life. Well, what could I do? I’ve been working for him in the back room ever since, repairing electronics that go bad.”

“That’s terrible!” I couldn't help myself.

“Eh, it’s not so bad. It’s not like you guys have anything advanced to fix. But I’m caught. I owe him my life. Unless I can somehow save his life, it’s a debt I can’t repay.”

“Wait, say that again,” I said. An idea was forming.

“Unless I can…”

I interrupted. “No, just the last bit.”

“You mean, ‘it’s a debt I can’t repay?’”

“Exactly,” I said. I’m sure my smile couldn’t have been any bigger. “Let me explain about personal bankruptcy protection…”

§

It all worked out perfectly. The alien got out from under its debt free and clear, and in seven years it’ll have a clean credit record.

Of course, it had no property and no income, so the store owner got nothing. And as for my fee, well, sometimes you have to get creative.

I mean, who wouldn’t settle for a fully functional Sonic Screwdriver?

________________



Andrew Jensen lives in rural Ontario with his family and too many dogs and cats. He is the minister at Knox United Church, Nepean.

His stories have appeared in Canada, the USA, New Zealand, and the UK. His work has appeared in Stupefying Stories 24, Cosmic Roots and Eldritch Shores, and Best Indie Speculative Fiction IV. In addition, Andrew plays trumpet, impersonates Kermit the Frog, and performs in musical theater. You should have seen him as Henry Higgins…

If you liked this story, check out “Running Away With the Cirque” in Stupefying Stories 24. If you’re still not convinced, read “A Can of Piskies,” which by remarkable coincidence appeared here in SHOWCASE almost exactly a year ago.

 




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Wednesday, February 7, 2024

The Never-ending FAQ • re simul subs


It seems our Submission Guidelines are insufficient, as people keep writing to ask me questions about our guidelines, practices, policies, etc., etc. Therefore, as of today I’m introducing a new feature: The Never-ending FAQ, so named because the questions never stop coming in, but calling it Ask Me Anything would just seem to be begging for trouble.

This column is intended to be a brief and chatty conversation about things related to the business of writing and publishing fiction, not a recitation of The Law. If you have a question you’d like to ask about Stupefying Stories or Rampant Loon Press, feel free to post it as a comment here or to email it to our submissions address. I can’t guarantee we’ll post a public answer, but can promise that every question posted will be read and considered.

Today’s question comes from Mike, who asks about simultaneous submissions:

“Do you consider them for SHOWCASE? Also, may I assume that any stories rejected by STUPEFYING STORIES should not be submitted to SHOWCASE?”

First off, thanks for asking. Seriously. If you have a question, I’d much prefer that you ask rather than see you jump to an assumption and possibly injure yourself.

The answer to the first question is a qualified yes. We do consider simul subs and reprints for SHOWCASE. We do NOT consider them for Stupefying Stories magazine.

We do this because SHOWCASE is online-only and restricted to stories of 1K-word length or less. Depending on how busy we are with other things, we can usually make the accept/reject decision on a SHOWCASE story within a few days of receiving it.

On this point: if you do simul sub something to SHOWCASE, please do us the twin courtesies of telling us up-front that it’s a simul sub and of withdrawing it if it’s accepted elsewhere. 

We do NOT consider simul subs for the magazine because we put a lot more time and effort into selecting the stories for the magazine, and have been burned too many times by going through the whole process of reading, reviewing, discussing, marking-up, and deciding to accept a story, only to have the author answer our acceptance letter with, “Thanks, but this was a simul sub and [other magazine] accepted it. Sorry I forgot to tell you.”

Nota bene: To be blunt and clear, we do NOT do bidding wars. On a few occasions authors have answered our acceptance letter with, “Thanks, but this was a simul sub and [other magazine] accepted it — but if you’re willing to pay me more than they’re offering…”

Pulling this stunt not only does NOT get you a higher offer from us, it earns you a place on our submissions blacklist. Don’t do it.

As for the second question: at one time Stupefying Stories magazine and SHOWCASE had separate submission queues and different first readers, but we’ve consolidated since then. There is but one submission queue to rule them all. We have taken stories that were submitted for the magazine and decided they would work better in SHOWCASE, and vice versa, and accepted and published them accordingly. 

Another nota bene: We always ask first. We have on rare occasions had an author submit a story for the magazine, and when told we think it would work better in SHOWCASE, had them refuse the acceptance on the grounds that they don’t do online publications. In these cases we shrug, honor the author’s wishes, and reject the story.

We ask that authors submit stories for one or the other—

  • to better control what’s coming into our inbox

  • to try to make certain authors understand that SHOWCASE is online-only, and when they’re submitting for SHOWCASE, in all likelihood there will never be an e-book or print edition

  • to make best use of our first readers’ time. For example, right now we have in-hand all the longer stories we need for the next four issues of the magazine, so it would be a waste of everyone’s time for an author to send us a 10K-word novelette.

So the answer to the second question is yes: any story submitted to and rejected by Stupefying Stories should not be resubmitted to SHOWCASE, and vice versa. We’ve already considered the story. Please do not resubmit a previously rejected story unless we have asked you to send us a rewrite, or have asked you to resubmit it at a later date. (We don’t do this often, but will sometimes do so if a story has a strong seasonal element.)

And once again, thanks for asking. Any more questions?

Kind regards,
Bruce Bethke
Editor, Stupefying Stories

 




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Tuesday, February 6, 2024

“The First Seed on Mars” • by Logan Thrasher Collins


In a revolutionary act, Lulwa Hariri planted the first Seed on Mars. 

She flew over the planet’s surface in a white glider with albatross wings and fired the silvery Seed into the red regolith. By doing this Lulwa broke interplanetary law, as the Martian Settlement Alliance strictly prohibited contamination. But Lulwa’s people were starving on Earth: heat waves and desertification had destroyed most of the farmland that supported the Middle East and Northern Africa. Lulwa had seen the faces of the hungry people, huddling in dusty shantytowns. Fist fights breaking out over scraps. Sad people. Broken people. Lulwa Hariri could not save these people, but she knew how to save their children.

Lulwa Hariri was born in Damascus. When she was a young girl, she had stood on the rooftop of her family’s apartment, accompanied by her grandfather, Kaazhim Hariri. Lulwa had wondered at the daytime moon in the vast cornflower-blue sky wrapped over the Earth. Her gaze had swept over the city’s painted domes and ancient minarets and orange tents and lavender tents, and streets packed with honking trucks. Even at that age, she had felt a haunting sense of harmony in the imperfect glory of the tapestry spread out before her.

“This is our world. Civilization,” Kaazhim had stated. He turned to look at Lulwa. “Even though some people do bad things, the world we’ve built is a miracle. We are here for a reason.” He smiled fondly at Lulwa. “I love you, granddaughter,” he stated softly.

As Lulwa grew older and attended university, extreme temperatures and food shortages began to affect the people of Damascus. Her beloved grandfather passed away from heat stroke. A few years after that, she watched on the news as a bombing destroyed the Umayyad Mosque, a crime perpetrated by extremists who believed climate change signified the end of times. As farms dried up across the Middle East and its trading partners, mass starvation followed.

Trying to find her way, Lulwa emigrated to Tokyo, where she felt very much alone even among throngs of people. Periodically she traveled back to her homeland to volunteer, providing medical aid to people in need. She went to Gaza and Mecca and Jeddah and Tehran and Cairo, and her home, Damascus. Everywhere she went, she saw violence and hunger and pain. But Lulwa Hariri remembered her grandfather’s words. In the midst of all that sadness, a steely determination took hold of her.

Lulwa worked in secret with synthetic biologists in Doha’s communal biohacker laboratories to create the Seed. She boarded a rocket, flew to Mars, and rented a glider at a tourist center. Not much had been built on Mars: just a few small tourist centers like this one, a handful of research stations, and some vacation estates. Though the Martian Preservation Alliance claimed that their laws existed to preserve the natural state of the planet, it was clear that the organization’s ultra-wealthy autocrats wanted to keep Mars for themselves. Lulwa Hariri pulled the trigger, launching the seed and changing the course of history.

Days later, a tendril of green burst from the regolith and began drinking the light of the faraway sun. The tendril grew higher. It endured brutal cold during nighttime. It blossomed into a flower with cornflower-blue petals. This flower had been engineered from the bottom up to survive and thrive in the strangeness of the Martian environment. By parthenogenesis, the flower produced its own seedpod, laden with copies of the original Seed. When the seedpod opened, newborn Seeds flew into the wind on waiflike gossamer wings.

By the time the Martian Preservation Alliance’s satellites found out about the contamination, the flowers had already spread far and wide. Litigious debates ricocheted through the administrative bodies of the Alliance and the governments of Earth. The autocrats knew their dominion over the red planet would end if these plants were allowed to flourish. The flowers were a resource they could not control. Earth’s officials recognized the opportunity to finally gain ground over the Martian Preservation Alliance. Proposals to eradicate the flowers were blocked.

Thirty years after the first Seed, meadows carpeted much of the surface of what was once the red planet. Even from space, continent-sized patches of green were clearly visible. Green leaves crowded triumphantly on the surface. Pale roots spread into the ferruginous soil. After the debates had died away, scientists modified some of the plants so that they grew nutritious fruits. Genetic recombination gave flower petals all over Mars hues of violet, lavender, scarlet, azure, tangerine, yellow, and delicate pink.

Fifty years after the first Seed, the fruits of Mars were exported back to Earth on freighter ships. Through the power of genetic engineering, the fruits now came in every variety of shape, color, flavor, and nutritive content. As Lulwa Hariri had planned, the people of the Middle East emerged from the age of famines with hope in their eyes. The very old remembered the darkness of the past and smiled at their children, who had never known the crushing weight of profound poverty. Grandparents pointed to Mars, a speck of glinting green in the starry sky, and told their children how Allah had blessed a woman named Lulwa Hariri with the courage necessary to take action when action was needed.

Sadly, Lulwa did not live to see the future she had helped create. After the Martian Preservation Alliance discovered her as the person behind the Seed, Lulwa Hariri was assassinated. Despite this tragedy, people said that Lulwa had found satisfaction prior to her demise. She knew what she had set in motion. She knew that the abundance of Mars would save her people in time. She knew the children of tomorrow would live in a world full of hope and possibility.

 



Logan Thrasher Collins
is an author, futurist, synthetic biologist, and biomedical engineering PhD candidate at Washington University in St. Louis. His fiction and poetry have been published in Mithila Review, Zooscape, Silver Blade, and elsewhere. Logan works towards interdisciplinary solutions to global challenges, leveraging both art and science to build a bright future. Website: https://logancollinsblog.com/.

In response to my follow-up question Logan explained that synthetic biology is a field that employs biological parts and chassis to engineer living systems in a modular fashion, which can facilitate programmability in complex biological systems towards a variety of biomedical, manufacturing, and agricultural applications. His PhD research is on developing new virus-based vehicles for gene therapy, and as if that’s not enough, he’s also working on another project in connectomics. Which, frankly, sounded like first-rate sci-fi bafflegab to me, but actually is a real field. E.g., https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Connectomics

Wow. And somehow Logan still finds time to write science fiction.



Monday, February 5, 2024

“A Blaster Called Sam” • by Matt Bliss


 

Most stories start with a person. Someone with a problem, or who asks a question, or who is suddenly thrust into a world where they must overcome the odds and become the person they never thought they could be.

Not this one.

No. This story starts with a blaster.

As far as blasters are concerned, this one was not constructed with the typical cubic housing, sharp angles, and blocky grip like the other standard emergence-grade blasters on the market. The Vaporiform Bodkin Deluxe, or VBX-42, was hourglass round. It boasted gentle curves that rose and fell from the rear frustum until tapering towards its hemispherical tip. This particular model was painted kiln metallic red with a proprietary thermo-ceramic coating that not only prevented fingerprint smudges, but always felt cool in the user’s hand.

The blaster’s name was Sam.

That was the name given it by Lawrence Kensington on his tenth birthday. He would be the first to open the factory-fresh box and lay eyes upon it.

“Really, Pop?” Lawrence asked while staring at his warped reflection in the blaster’s high-gloss finish. “Is it truly mine?”

“Sure is, son. Your very first.” His father smiled as only a proud father can as he watched Lawrence take the blaster in the yard and squeeze the five-point-five pounds of springy pressure of its trigger. They laughed as Lawrence sliced holes in trees and eviscerated rocks and shrubs in the garden. Lawrence would later kill thirty-seven people with the blaster throughout his ascension to power.

Later, Chief Global Chancellor Lawrence Kensington would be assassinated by a disgruntled Alrick Easton during the Great Nephologic Recession. Alrick claimed the blaster as his own, however, he would not hold it very long as the Taranellians invaded the planet shortly thereafter to enslave the entirety of the human race. Alrick was slain before ever pulling the blaster’s trigger.

Sam would lay unused for twenty-six years until Zoey Olivero, who would later be known as the leader of the Night Rebellion, eventually invaded the spider queen’s castle and discovered the blaster in a storage hall among other remnants of the previous world. She would later claim it was this blaster that was used to murder the spider queen, thereby shutting down the Taranellian’s hive mind and freeing humanity, as well as noting the ergonomic comfort of the blaster’s grip in her hand. Zoey quickly took to her new position of power with Sam, the blaster, at her side.

After Zoey died from neurotoxin poisoning, caused by the Taranellian’s carapace decomposition, the blaster moved to the hand of her son, Dev Olivero, who shortly thereafter traveled back in time with Doctor Maxwell Lazarus, using the newly invented Time Deixis machine, to shoot then ten-year-old Lawrence Kensington with the very same blaster in order to prevent his inevitable rise to power and in turn prevent the further growing environmental toxicant infection happening within their own time.

Upon arriving, however, the blaster noted the presence of its previous self, and in turn distorted the space-time continuum, thus opening a wormhole from planet Araknal of the spider dimension into this very same timeline, which the Taranellians would discover in some years to come.

Lawrence Kensington, however, noticed both Dev Olivero and Doctor Maxwell Lazarus in his garden on his tenth birthday while slicing holes in trees and eviscerating rocks and shrubs, and quickly disemboweled them with a single pull on Sam, his newly obtained blaster. His father laughed and clapped wildly at this.

Lawrence would later kill thirty-five people with the blaster throughout his ascension to power.

 


 
Matt Bliss is a construction worker turned speculative fiction writer from Las Vegas, Nevada. His short fiction has appeared in Diabolical Plots, Cosmic Horror Monthly, and MetaStellar among other published and forthcoming works. You can find him and links to his work at flow.page/mattbliss.