Status Update • 27 January 2024

I had the second phase of my eye surgery this week. In most respects it went more smoothly than the first phase, although I could have done without waking up in the middle of the procedure. Apparently this happens more often than you might think. As a rule, most patients are too woozy from the anesthesia to remember that it happened, but for my part it was an experience...

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“A Jackass Walks into a Bar” • by Pete Wood

The sweat-stained customer glared at Inga. “I wanted a damned Dismal Stout, not crappy American beer. First day on the job?”Inga knew it was a Dismal Swamp Brewery Stout. It was on the tap handle. “I’m sorry, sir.”Sweaty brandished his phone. “My review’s live in five.”Inga snatched the mug. Sweaty yawned. “I’m complaining to your manager, Missy.”§Inga dumped a dusty...

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“Forgetting on Draft” • by Elis Montgomery

I say I’m drinking to forget. The barkeep fills my glass, and I sip. Her name. Her face. My mind’s a wound, everything bleeding out— Suddenly I’m pain free. I’m also… hollowed. I see my half-empty glass. The amber liquid of forgetting… something. “I… think I made a mistake.” The barkeep nods, pulls from a different barrel. “Don’t worry. We’ve got remembering on draft, too.” He...

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“The Triennial Igneous Tri-Partite Competition” • by Pauline Barmby

The most important rule of Xavia’s most prestigious race was: no drafting. Aurielle finished the fire walk and lava swim with personal best times. Then her dragon’s uncontrollable desire to nose right up behind other competitors got them disqualified. Watching the race from the ground, they both winced as an accidental belch burned off most of a yellow dragon’s tail....

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“Service With a Smile” • by Gustavo Bondoni

 General Stein watched the top-secret video of an alien ship, just like the one in Washington, destroying the Kremlin.“We need an expendable force to judge their capabilities, before sending the real army out there.”§Antoine chanted “Earth welcomes you,” with the rest of the crowd.An official-looking man approached.“Welcome to the Army,” the man said. “You’ve been drafted.”“We...

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“The Draft Horse Doesn’t Leave the Stable at Night Anymore” • by Jason P. Burnham

Maria held her breath to avoid breaking the pasture’s deathly silence. She’d never seen a horse walk so gingerly—even Hank knew something was wrong. Maria regretted ignoring the townsfolks’ exhortations to keep animals inside after dark. Come on, Hank. Hank’s hooves landed noiselessly, but still the piercing blue eyes crept closer. As one, Hank and Maria sprinted into the...

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“Ante Up” • by Pete Wood

Lord Drax chewed his mutton sandwich and tried to pretend he hadn’t just bet the castle deed on a royal flush that never materialized. His opponent, the crown prince, must have more powerful magic. Drax couldn’t stall forever. His black cat, his familiar, rubbed against his legs. Drax petted the magical animal and uttered an incantation for the dark forces to rescue...

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“To Hell and Back” • by Kai Delmas

Standing before the gates of Hell, I yell for Death to come and face me. A dark hooded figure glides through the black gate. “You know why I’m here. I won’t let you take him away from me.” Death chuckles as skeletal hands slip from his robe and a scythe forms from the ether. But I won’t be cowed. “Give him back! I challenge you…” Smoke rises and turns into a table with a chessboard. “…to...

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“Hosting a Tempest” • by Ian Li

A tempest rushes down Mary’s chimney and nests in her fireplace. Her house is a haven for uninvited guests. Mice holed up in her pantry feast undisturbed. She names the weeds sprouting through her porch. An adopted ghost even haunts her wardrobe. She wonders what storms consume. It turns out, nearly everything. Wood chips, boxes of blueberries, Q-tips, marshmallow canaries—all...

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“The Hand That Feeds” • by Tobias Backman

Emperor Guillard tossed his cards. He hadn’t won once today. And Lord Whiskers couldn’t even hold the cards without assistance. That must be why no one ever uplifted cats. Guillard sighed. “How did it come to this?” Whiskers smiled, sporting needle-like fangs. “You have no poker face.” “No, that.” From somewhere beyond the walls, people shouted. You could almost make out...

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