“Calling the Cloud” • by Roxana Arama

The pandemic over, I took Bella, my girlfriend, to meet Mike, my favorite waiter. He and I used to chat after dinner like there was no tomorrow. I knew he’d missed me.

A new waiter approached our table then veered off, looking distressed.

I patted Bella’s hand. “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.”

When he returned with menus and a forced smile, I said, “Where’s Mike?”

“He’s… not with us anymore.”

“No! The pandemic?”

“Good news is he uploaded to the EverCloud.”

“Great! Give me his account number. He’ll love to see me!”

“Bad news is… he told us not to. It was his dying wish.”

¤     ¤     ¤

Roxana Arama is a Romanian-American writer and a member of Codex Writers’ Group. She has an MFA in Creative Writing from Goddard College, her work has been acknowledged in several literary contests and magazines, and she maintains the website Rewriting History: How writers turn history into story, and story into history at www.roxanaarama.com. She lives in Seattle with her family. Follow her on Twitter at @RoxanaArama.

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And now, a few words from the publisher…

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our other magazines, chapbooks, and original novels, probably starting with STUPEFYING STORIES MAGAZINE—

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to switch to my old public radio on-air voice and tell you that STUPEFYING STORIES and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking this link or the button below to make a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly towards paying the authors and artists who create the content you’re enjoying on this site.

Interface with Stupefying Stories!

» on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StupefyingStories/
» on Twitter: https://twitter.com/StupefyingSF | @StupefyingSF

» kudos and complaints to: feedback@rampantloonmedia.com 

 

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“Just Like Before” • by Carol Scheina

 
As the bright flash faded from his eyes, James realized they were back in the restaurant. “Like we never left!”

Nikki eyed the waiter refilling their water glasses. “But the accident still happened. The space-time continuum ripped. We changed the past. There’s gotta be consequences. Plus,” she whispered, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.”

“Looks like the same guy from before.”

Nikki craned her head. “Does the food look or smell different?”

James leaned back in his chair. “Look around, everything’s fine.”

That’s when he spotted the velociraptor in a bowler hat entering the restaurant. Something had changed.

 ¤     ¤     ¤

 

Carol Scheina is a deaf speculative fiction author whose short stories have appeared in Escape Pod, Daily Science Fiction, The Arcanist, and other publications. You can find more of her work at carolscheina.wordpress.com.

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And now, a few words from the publisher…

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our other magazines, chapbooks, and original novels, probably starting with STUPEFYING STORIES MAGAZINE—

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to switch to my old public radio on-air voice and tell you that STUPEFYING STORIES and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking this link or the button below to make a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly towards paying the authors and artists who create the content you’re enjoying on this site.

Interface with Stupefying Stories!

» on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StupefyingStories/
» on Twitter: https://twitter.com/StupefyingSF | @StupefyingSF

» kudos and complaints to: feedback@rampantloonmedia.com 

 

 

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“When Thieves Give You Lemons” • by Duke Kimball

“Ale?”

“No.” Glog the Conqueror spat on the floor. Nobody in the bustling tavern seemed to mind. “Talk.”

Flindel the Rat bared yellow teeth, producing the talisman from a billowing sleeve. A small, golden sphere he set on his plate. “Belonged to Morfan the wizard.”

“Power?”

“Invisibility.”

A hand tapped Glog’s shoulder. “It’s good ale.”

“No.” He glowered at Flindel. “How much?”

“Weight in gold.” He eyed the big man greedily. “Yours.”

“The best ale—”

Both men turned. “NO!” they shouted at the sniveling barkeep, returning to negotiations. Over… a lemon.

“I’m pretty sure,” Flindel seethed, “he wasn’t our waiter.”

Glog, axe already drawn, began the chase.

¤     ¤     ¤

 

Duke Kimball is a literary boat captain who doesn’t currently own a boat. His work has appeared in places like Mysterion, Star*Line, and Strange Horizons. He lives in Lansing, Michigan, with his wife Michelle and a dog named after a cheese factory.

______________________

And now, a few words from the publisher…

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our other magazines, chapbooks, and original novels, probably starting with STUPEFYING STORIES MAGAZINE—

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to switch to my old public radio on-air voice and tell you that STUPEFYING STORIES and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking this link or the button below to make a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly towards paying the authors and artists who create the content you’re enjoying on this site.

Interface with Stupefying Stories!

» on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StupefyingStories/
» on Twitter: https://twitter.com/StupefyingSF | @StupefyingSF

» kudos and complaints to: feedback@rampantloonmedia.com

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“First Date Magic” • by Sylvia Heike

 

The waiter’s smooth voice soothed both my nerves and ears. “My name is Ernest, and I’ll be at your service this evening. What would you like?”

My voice was dreamy, not quite mine. “Flowers when it’s not my birthday, walks in the rain. Someone who likes animals.”

“And you, sir?” he asked my date. 

“A lady who knows what she wants. If it’s me, great. If not, I’ll keep looking. I’m tired of playing games. Unless it’s with my dogs.”

After Ernest (I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter) poofed away, I was afraid to open my mouth again, so I just smiled. And couldn’t stop smiling.

¤     ¤     ¤

Sylvia Heike is a speculative fiction writer from Finland. She likes hiking, nature photography, books, bunnies, and birds. Her stories have appeared in Flash Fiction Online and elsewhere. To find out more, visit her website, https://sylviaheike.com, or follow her on Twitter @sylviaheike

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And now, a few words from the publisher…

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our other magazines, chapbooks, and original novels, probably starting with STUPEFYING STORIES MAGAZINE—

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to switch to my old public radio on-air voice and tell you that STUPEFYING STORIES and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking this link or the button below to make a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly to paying the authors and artists who create the content you’re enjoying on this site.

Gee, that really does look like a giant ibuprofen gelcap, doesn’t it? 

Follow STUPEFYING STORIES 

• on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/StupefyingStories/    

• on Twitter at https://twitter.com/StupefyingSF

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“Metamorphosis” • by Jonathan Worlde

 

We’d finished our meal of giant barbequed slug at Curios Café, Planet Argonne’s favorite expat hangout.

The wait staff were all local non-lethal juveniles, with characteristic four arms and four eyes on long stalks. Our waiter delivered the check with a big smile. I paid with my Galaxy Yuan card.

On the way out Tanya asked, “Robbie, did you leave a tip?”

I’d forgotten about tipping here. I returned to look for the girl with lovely eyes. But she had just prematurely metamorphosed as I returned, and, losing control, was devouring a Martian trader.

Making a hasty retreat, I told Tanya, “I’m pretty sure that wasn’t our waiter anymore.”

¤     ¤     ¤

Paul Grussendorf is an attorney representing refugees, a former Immigration Judge, and a consultant to the UN Refugee Agency. His legal memoir is My Trials: Inside America’s Deportation Factories. He writes genre fiction under the byline of “Jonathan Worlde.”

Jonathan Worlde’s neo-noir mystery novel, Latex Monkey with Banana, was winner of the Hollywood Discovery Award with a prize of $1,000. Recent short fiction appears in The Raven Review, the 2020 anthology Ghost Stories of Shepherdstown, and in Cirque Journal. He is also a traditional country blues performer under the stage name Paul the Resonator, whose CD is Soul of a Man.

 

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And now, a few words from the publisher:

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our books and magazines, beginning with either STUPEFYING STORIES MAGAZINE proper or something in the STUPEFYING STORIES PRESENTS line—

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to pull out my old public radio hat, dust it off, put it on, switch to my on-air voice, and tell you that Stupefying Stories and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking this link or the button below to make a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly towards paying the authors and artists who create the content that you’re enjoying on this site.

Please don’t make me escalate this to the coffee mug and tote bag level.

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“Alone” • by Novae Caelum

 

We have a hard time socializing with normal people, though our parents always said an emperor should try.

So we sit in this bar with a mug that could melt eyelashes, if ours weren’t false.

“You alone tonight?” A femme person plops in front of us.

“Alone and wish to stay that way.”

The person flashes knife-edged nails. “No worries. Give me your credits, you can be alone as you want.”

A shadow falls. “I think you need to leave,” a masc person says, setting down our order of steaming stir-fry.

Mm. We’re pretty sure that wasn’t our waiter. Security will never let us just be alone.

¤     ¤     ¤

Novae Caelum is an author, illustrator, and designer with a love of spaceships and a tendency to quote Monty Python. Star's had stories in Diabolical Plots, Escape Pod, Clockwork Phoenix 5, and Lambda Award winning Transcendent 2: The Year's Best Transgender Speculative Fiction. These days star can be found serializing queer space opera epics, with which star hopes to take over the world. At least, that's the plan. Find star online at https://novaecaelum.com

______________________

 

A few words from the publisher:

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our books and magazines—

For example, consider this audio book, THE FUGITIVE HEIR: just the perfect thing to listen to while you’re in the car, driving to your summer vacation getaway.

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to pull out my old public radio hat, dust it off, put it on, switch to my on-air voice, and tell you that Stupefying Stories and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners just like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking the button below and making a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly to paying the authors and artists who create the content you’re enjoying on this site.

Please don’t make me escalate to coffee mug and tote bag level.

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“Merger” • by Eric Fomley

 

Vi chewed the bloody steak, the juices dripping down her chin.

Lang, her chief of security, sat across from her. A smile cracked his face.

“The White Suns can’t stop us once the merger goes through,” he said. “No spice will go in or out of this station without passing through our hands.”

Vi nodded and forked another piece into her mouth.

The waiter came through and dropped off a nice-looking pie.

When he spun and left, Lang looked sharply at Vi.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.”

The holo of the pie winked out—revealing the swirling nanobomb.

¤     ¤     ¤

Eric Fomley’s work has appeared in Daily Science Fiction, Galaxy’s Edge, Flame Tree Press, and The Black Library. You can read more of his work on his website at https://ericfomley.com or buy him a coffee in exchange for a story at https://ko-fi.com/ericfomley.

______________________

 

A few words from the publisher:

Bruce Bethke here. This week The Pete Wood Challenge is bringing you seven new flash fiction stories, all of which key off some slight variation on the phrase, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t our waiter.” In an ideal world we’d like to see you express your appreciation for these stories by taking a closer look at our books and magazines—

For example, consider this audio book, THE COUNTERFEIT CAPTAIN: just the perfect thing to listen to while you’re driving to your summer vacation getaway.

But if you already have all the books, ebooks, and audio books you could ever possibly use, then I’m going to pull out my old public radio hat, dust it off, put it on, switch to my on-air voice, and tell you that Stupefying Stories and Rampant Loon Media are supported by the generosity of readers and listeners just like you. If you appreciate the kind of programming we’re bringing you, please show it by clicking the button below and making a donation today. All major credit cards are accepted, and all donations go directly to paying the authors and artists who create the content that you’re enjoying on this site.

Please don’t make me do a pledge break.

—brb

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