It’s funny—I think the creature looks more like me than she used to.
No. It isn’t funny…
I don’t remember when that started. Maybe she always looked this much like me?
She’s me, but better. A reflection without my flaws. As long as I don’t let my guard down, don’t let anyone know that I’m hiding, no one will realize she isn’t me.
Even her voice is better, like mine but brighter, brilliant enough to drive away even the slightest concern. When she takes over, people believe me when I say that I’m fine.
I am fine.
I suddenly realize it’s the first Friday of the month, when my friends normally meet for dinner. I’m actually not working tonight. I could go.
The creature glances at me, like she knows what I’m thinking.
She’s right. I don’t want to be surrounded by people celebrating the end of the work week when I’m about to be at the store all weekend. And I would just have to tell the same lie again and hope my friends don’t recognize it.
Oh you know me, still applying, crossing my fingers…
Never mind I haven’t submitted an application in over a month, much less heard back from any of the jobs from the last time I felt brave enough to deal with forms.
“Just stay here,” the creature soothes. “Besides, remember last time?”
§
Three months ago, I’d had the night off and joined them.
It was almost fun, until I got a call from the store. Asking (demanding) that I come in four hours early the next day. And I heard my own faltering “sure,” because what else was I supposed to say? I wanted to cry.
And then I was crying, and trying to hide it, but the look Bridget and Reiko gave each other told me I failed. I ran out to my car and drove home, ignoring their protests that I should stay.
Back at my apartment I found the creature in my kitchen. She looked less like me then, more a large collection of three-dimensional gray lines, surging and spiraling around one another but occasionally falling into a humanoid shape.
The shape rotated toward me, lines brightening, and then the creature had a face. For a brief, searing moment, I thought I was looking into a mirror.
The creature was, somehow, me, and she promised to keep me safe if I let her stay.
After that, whenever I went out, she came with me. She was me, except so much better.
§
My phone makes a noise, and I know she would tell me not to look, that it will only make me feel more stressed. But the sound continues, gnawing at me, and then something sparks in my fingers and I’m picking up the phone.
It’s from Bridget. Why don’t we do something next week. Coffee? I’m worried about you.
I put the phone down and look at the creature. She commiserates with my face.
“Do they think I can’t take care of myself?” I ask.
“Well you can’t,” she says briskly, “but that’s what I’m here for.”
I go and lie down. I’m exhausted, and sore, though I can’t fall asleep.
I don’t know what I would do without the creature.
Bridget can’t really want to talk to me. They’ve all been looking for a way to cut me out of our group for a long time. Might as well make it easy for them.
Except…
Why would Bridget reach out, if she didn’t care?
§
I’m finally asleep, after closing the night before and opening this morning, when my phone buzzes again.
Reiko. We’re here!
I look questioningly at the creature as she comes in.
Today she looks… stronger. Like her outlines are more defined against the backdrop of my room than ever. Her movements are sharper, more confident.
She plucks the phone from my fingers. “Now,” she says, “I’ve got everything I need.”
“You… made plans?” She’s never left without me before, without the two of us pretending to be one.
She slides the phone into the front pocket of my favorite blue corduroys. They look better on her than they ever have on me. I wouldn’t have thought to pair them with that blouse.
The pose she strikes would look casual if her eyes weren’t so cruel.
She leaves, and locks the door behind her. By the time I get to the window overlooking the parking lot, she has reached my friends where they wait outside of Reiko’s car. They smile at her.
Devan Barlow is the author of the Curses & Curtains series of fairy-tales-meet-musicals fantasy novels. Her short fiction and poetry has appeared in several anthologies and magazines.
She can be found at her website, devanbarlow.com, or on Bluesky @devanbarlow.bsky.social. She reads voraciously, and can often be found hanging out with her dog, drinking tea, and thinking about sea monsters.
1 comments:
Nice trick. I wasn't ready for that. Excellent story.
Post a Comment