Saturday, December 23, 2023

“Script Treatment” • by Bruce Bethke



FAX TRANSMITTAL


TO: Gene Roddenberry, Paramount Studios

FROM: Bruce Bethke, Auteurs Sans Fierté

DATE: 12 October 1988

RE: ST:TNG Season 3 Script Treatment

WORKING TITLE:

“Wesley Crusher Returns Again for the Last Time, No Kidding!”



Okay Gene, here’s the outline. Returning from a mission dirtside, the Away Team discovers that a freak malfunction of the transporter contrast control has turned them all black. Picard retires to the executive conference room (I understand we’re contractually obligated to use the conference room set for at least five minutes in each show, right?), opens the executive safe, and reads the Enterprise warranty, only to discover that the transporter is covered by a carry-in service contract and the nearest XEROX service center is 200 light-years away.

Troi gets a “bad feeling” about this.

In the meantime, Wesley, bored out of his mind now that he no longer gets to save the ship each week, programs the holodeck to simulate the Enterprise. He enters the holodeck and goes down to the holographic holodeck, where he meets a holographic simulation of himself. Together the two of them program the simulated holodeck to simulate the Enterprise, whereupon they enter the simulated simulation, go down to the holographic holograph of the holodeck, and meet Wesleys #3 and #4…

Troi feels “confused.”

Ryker barricades himself in the lunchroom and demands that the replicators be reprogrammed to produce soul food, so that he can prove how macho he is by eating chitlins and collard greens. Data desperately and unsuccessfully attempts to learn to break dance to Michael Jackson, there apparently being no developments in popular culture after the end of the 20th Century. Geordi, watching Data, laughs himself comatose. The ship’s chief medical officer “has never seen anything like it before.” (Seriously, where does Star Fleet keep finding these ignorant medical officers, anyway? Draftees? Med school “C” students doing a hitch in Star Fleet to pay off their student loans?)

Troi feel “nauseous.” (Not nauseated, nauseous. There is a difference. Look it up.)

Suddenly, the Enterprise is stricken by a massive power outage caused by Wesley’s recursive adventures on the holodeck! The ship comes to a screaming stop in mid-space (obviously Newton’s Laws have been repealed by the 23rd Century) just as the Tholians, Malcots, and Gorns join forces with an ancient pre-warp-drive Romulan battle fleet that’s still alive due to relativistic time dilation! Picard, after being reminded by Worf that Romulans never take prisoners unless it’s essential to the story line, realizes he must restore power to the phaser banks and start shooting things if he is to save the series! But Geordi is still unconscious, and the rest of the engineering officers have been spirited away by an assortment of omnipotent alien life entities! Decisively taking action, Picard boldly calls an emergency meeting in the executive conference room, and all the senior staff members leave the actual running of the ship to the redshirts while they assertively discuss options right up until the commercial break.

Troi is feeling, “Not bad. How are you?”

At last, Picard realizes there is no alternative except direct action. Setting the transporter controls for both “duplicate” and “enlarge 125%,” he beams a few dozen Worfs directly onto the holodeck, with orders to kill all the Wesleys they can find. There follows a cheerful slaughter of Wesleys…

###

So whadaya think, Gene? Have we got a deal? Fax me your okay tonight and we can have a shooting script banged out by Wednesday. My best to Majel.






 

Bruce Bethke adds: It is perhaps worth noting that I wrote this piece during the second season of ST:TNG and actually sold it to a pro magazine, which actually paid me cash money for it, before someone in the magazine’s upper management decided (probably wisely) that the value of running this piece was peanuts compared to the possibility of offending either Paramount or Pocket Books, both of whom bought a lot of ad space in that magazine. The piece was spiked, but I received a kill fee. This therefore became the first time I was paid more not to publish something than to publish it. It’s nice work, if you can get it.

Over the years I’ve written a lot of these weird little metafictional pieces, some of which were published in various venues while others ended up just laying around here, cluttering up the place. If you’d like to see more like this one, let me know. 

P.S. “Auteurs Sans Fierté” is French for “Authors Without Pride.” ASF is the imaginary Hollywood agency to which I attributed a lot of these ghastly little things; for example, The Towering Poseidon Adventure and Snakes and Ladders: The Movie. ASF has been dormant for a few years, but lately I’ve been feeling the itch to reactivate it.

Monday, December 18, 2023

“Corrections” • by Lorraine Schein


After my skull implant and genochemical modification, I received this sublimail letter in my visual field.

To our new editor hire:

WELCOME TO CEREBRUM EDITING! Congratulations on joining our team of AI-assisted, brain-modified remote editors. Your surgery was successful and there should be no lingering symptoms or disability after your stitches are removed. 

You can now offer the latest in biothink editing for fiction, essays and research papers for new clients. Those who become subscribers for a year or more will be able to purchase your services at a reduced rate.

Below find our payment rates, tech manual and style guide, a sample ad for attracting clients, and best practices for working with them.

Our payments are made quarterly upon receipt of your invoices, in your choice of credits for oxytocin infusion mist or direct stimulation of your pleasure centers.

I had just finished downloading the style manual when the ringing in my ears alerted me to my first client. After agreeing to my fee (a percentage of which went to Cerebrum), he uploaded his copy into my brain. It flashed before me, then hovered before my visual field in 12-point, misspelled type without punctuation. 

Twinge! I blinked commas into place, then consulted my embedded dictionary, tilting my head back to scroll and locate the atrocious misspellings. My skin pinched sharply every time I located one, resulting in a welcome release as I corrected each.

To insert required Oxford commas, I executed a complex double-blink and eye-roll. 

I snorted my queries into place through my nose, which made it irritated, but I couldn’t pause to apply nasal spray, as I was on deadline.

Then I formatted the document, wiggling my ears several times to paragraph and indent the run-on sentences.

There was questionable language I’d have to discuss with my client. I considered referral to a sensitivity reader, but that would cut into my fee, so I completed the edit without one. 

Then I submitted the job with my invoice to Cerebrum for approval and waited for payment. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud electric buzzing, then my visual field blurred. Stunned, I collapsed writhing on the floor, legs jerking, clutching my throbbing head. 

When I came to, I saw the manuscript had been returned with a note from Cerebrum, which said: 

Your submitted edit job #32987 was rejected by our overbots. Please note the offensive text highlighted in vibrating neon to avoid internal taser consequences in the future.

They hadn’t bothered to give me a trigger warning!

 




Lorraine Schein is a New York writer. Her work has appeared in VICE Terraform, Strange Horizons, Enchanted Conversation, Mermaids Monthly, and in the anthology Tragedy Queens: Stories Inspired by Lana del Rey & Sylvia Plath. The Futurist’s Mistress, her poetry book, is available from Mayapple Press: www.mayapplepress.com




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Sunday, December 17, 2023

Creating Alien Aliens: How Would Intelligent Reptiles Think and Behave?

Five decades ago, I started my college career with the intent of becoming a marine biologist. I found out I had to get a BS in biology before I could even begin work on MARINE biology; especially because there WEREN'T any marine biology programs in Minnesota. 
Along the way, the science fiction stories I'd been writing since I was 13 began to grow more believable. With my BS in biology and a fascination with genetics, I started to use more science in my fiction.

After reading hard SF for the past 50 years, and writing hard SF successfully for the past 20, I've started to dig deeper into what it takes to create realistic alien life forms. In the following series, I'll be sharing some of what I've learned. I've had some of those stories published, some not...I teach a class to GT young people every summer called ALIEN WORLDS. I've learned a lot preparing for that class for the past 25 years...so...I have the opportunity to share with you what I've learned thus far. Take what you can use, leave the rest. Let me know what YOU'VE learned. Without further ado... If this were a sapient alien, how would it THINK? WHAT The Heck would it think???

Scientists have been tracking this turtle among several dozen others. What I want to think about is if these creatures grew to become sapient – or were a primitive form of a sapient alien we might one day meet – what would they be LIKE? How would they behave? How would we be able to communicate with them?

My depiction would hardly be the first time writers tried to figure out what a sapient turtle would be like – behavior, speech, thought, and scientific advancements. One is THE SINGERS OF TIME by Frederich Pohl and Jack Williamson; shell-less alien turtles from Laserblast!; snapper aliens from Stellaris’ Let’s Play Happy Turtles; Turgle from Star Wars Jedi; the Chelonians from several episodes of Doctor Who; Star Citizen’s Xian; the Clutch Turtles of Sharon Lee and Steve Miller; and lastly, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – though they can’t count as aliens because they are still from Earth, though mutants…

A serious study "Given the Cold Shoulder: A Review of the Scientific Literature for Evidence of Reptile Sentience"
(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6827095/), looks at the evidence of what they call reptile sentience. I'll draw more on that later, but for now, let's keep going.

Most of the examples above seem to create “aliens” who, while they look like turtles, behave like Humans in funny suits – which is what the “aliens” from Star Wars, Star Trek, Guardians of the Galaxy, and countless other movie depictions that are supposed to show us “alien life forms”. On Earth, turtles – which include Galapagos Tortoises, Painted Turtles, Alligator Snappers, and Sea Turtles and are wildly different animals that might spark wildly different sapient life forms.

So, what are the characteristics of the turtles and tortoises?

· Shell size can range from about 3 inches up to about 8 feet
5 ounces to 1,800 pounds
· They mature between 5 to 25 years
· lay anywhere from a few or over 100 eggs, hatchlings will be from 1 to 3 inches
aquatic species can live up to 70 years while some of the land tortoises can live 150 years or more.
· quiet, shy, and harmless yet display intelligence
· very sensitive to loud noises, vibrations, and sudden bright lights
· quick to frighten if they feel threatened; most will withdraw their head, legs, and tail into their shells; aquatic turtles will first try to swim quickly away.
· Those with less shell have developed other defense mechanisms; like the snappers who have an extremely strong mouth, the musk turtles which can emit a rather distasteful odor, and some that have strong claws or extreme agility. Once they have withdrawn, they are often very slow to re-emerge.
· content being single.
· Mostly fine with community, there can be territorial tension, especially when in breeding mode.
· Some tortoises have been known to ram and even kill other tortoise species.
· Water (mostly freshwater, some brackish water, only sea turtle are salt) species, usually have webbed feet for swimming. Basking Turtles: These climb onto a log or a rock to sun themselves; Non-basking Turtles: These bask at the surface of the water or on top of floating vegetation.
· Aquatic turtles notorious as carriers of the salmonella bacteria which can be transmitted to humans and a potential health hazard.
· Terrapene (4 species) the familiar box turtles, and Cuora, the Asian box turtles,
Tortoises (tortoise): Tortoises are exclusively land bound. With only a couple exceptions they have highly domed shells. The burrowing species have spade-like flattened front feet; can get very big; very specific temperature and humidity requirements; subject to more serious health problems; very long lived
· turtle or tortoise has a specific type of environment that it needs: aquatic turtles, the semi-aquatic turtles, land turtles, box turtles, and tortoises
· All turtles and tortoises thermoregulate their body temperature by sunning themselves. A general rule of thumb is that Chelonians will be most content in daytime temperatures between 75 - 85° F plus a cool secluded area to sleep.
· aquatic turtles often sleep submerged, but near to the surface around twigs or vegetation. Semi-aquatic turtles will sleep burrowed into grassy areas or a sphagnum moss substrate. Land turtles and tortoises will do well with a small shed or bushy area.
· Aquatic turtles eat vegetable matter, but also insects and worms; adults becomes primarily a vegetarian, eating dark green leafy plants.
· Land turtles are omnivorous their whole life, eating many kinds of vegetables and fruits as well as earthworms and even occasional bits of dog food.
· Tortoises are primarily vegetarians, wide variety of vegetables and some fruits

OK – now to pick the aspects of turtles, land turtles, and tortoises that would make interesting characters…

I’m going to stay away from aquatic turtles for the time being as it doesn’t seem likely that they would develop a technology I would recognize, being a land animal myself. Tortoises are the larger of the two land Chelonians, so let me pull out the characteristics of wild Chelonians:

· Shell size can range from about 3 inches up to about 8 feet, 5 ounces to 1,800 pounds
· They mature between 5 to 25 years
· lay anywhere from a few or over 100 eggs, hatchlings will be from 1 to 3 inches; land tortoises can live 150 years or more.
· quiet, shy, and harmless yet display intelligence
· very sensitive to loud noises, vibrations, and sudden bright lights
· quick to frighten if they feel threatened; most will withdraw their head, legs, and tail into their shells.
· Those with less shell have developed other defense mechanisms; like the snappers who have an extremely strong mouth, the musk turtles which can emit a rather distasteful odor, and some that have strong claws or extreme agility. Once they have withdrawn, they are often very slow to re-emerge.
· content being single.
· Mostly fine with community, there can be territorial tension, especially when in breeding mode.
· Some tortoises have been known to ram and even kill other tortoise species.
· Tortoises are exclusively land bound. With only a couple exceptions they have highly domed shells. The burrowing species have spade-like flattened front feet; can get very big; very specific temperature and humidity requirements; subject to more serious health problems; very long lived
· tortoise has a specific type of environment that it needs.
· All turtles and tortoises thermoregulate their body temperature by sunning themselves. A general rule of thumb is that Chelonians will be most content in daytime temperatures between 75 - 85° F plus a cool secluded area to sleep.
· Land turtles and tortoises will do well with a small shed or bushy area.
· Tortoises are primarily vegetarians, wide variety of vegetables and some fruits

Narrowing further: huge shell, takes 25 years to mature, lay 5+ eggs, smart, but quiet/shy, sensitive to extreme light/sound, quick to frighten and withdraw to shell, strong mouth, emit strong musk, long claws, (shockingly) agile, OK with single life, can become territorial, especially during breeding time, will ram, kill other tortoises, specific natural environmental requirements, primarily vegetarians...

FINALLY: I’ll call them the Chelonians. These have become bipedal by necessity, but function just fine on four feet. Their forward feet have fingers that fold into a tough pad when on four feet; but the fingers are agile and they move quickly – despite how they look (slow-and-steady; these aliens embody the aphorism: “Slow and steady wins the race”), they CAN be startled fairly easily – hence they are extreme “planners” and orchestrate the direction they personally take as well as a civilization. They do everything to make CERTAIN there are no surprises. Their ships are uncomfortably warm to Humans, but within our tolerance – Humans from civilizations that grew in high temperature/humidity regions of Earth adapt most quickly to Chelonian ships and worlds; they have health problems (some are health COMPLAINERS, others talk about their health like “little old Earthmen”), long-lived and VERY particular about their environment and homes – they are fanatic art collectors, though no one has been able to figure out WHAT Chelonians view as art – or WHY, thermoregulated, almost exclusively vegetarian, though certain Chelonian cultures have peculiar NON-vegetarian delicacy choices, can and DO become territorial unexpectedly

That’s it for today. I need to get this posted. However, next time, I’m going to play with a Human-Chelonian interaction…and I’ll be thinking about it…and I'll be using the information in the article above as well.

Source: https://hasanjasim.online/how-butt-gas-drugs-and-incredible-memories-lead-to-this-odd-turtle-photo/?fbclid=IwAR0_G2K5R_mE5wbqD4QVl1MvIFFztYhdHSYWVa5b3h2ZTRHKb0oK4g15nb4
Image: https://hasanjasim.online/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/turtlewithearthonback-750x420.jpg

Friday, December 15, 2023

“Silenced Night” • by Paul Celmer


In the TV studio a warning bell sounded, and then the lights came up at Leon, blinding.

Kyle Jackson spoke first, as usual. “And now for all the latest nuts and bolts on this whopper of a storm, the man you have all been waiting for, our resident master meteorologist, Leon Metzlmann. Take it away, Leon!”

Leon couldn’t stand Kyle, but Leon smiled back anyway. “Well folks, we are looking at a rare event for us here in the southeast,” he said, turning his tall spindly body and staring directly into the camera to give his most earnest made-for-TV expression. “We have a low pressure system on the move.” Leon flapped his arms in front of a blank green wall like a street magician so the Chroma key would create for the viewers at home the illusion of a graceful arc waving across a computer-generated map of the United States. “This system’s bringing down some bitter cold from the north to meet up with a moist air mass from the south.”  Leon traced the ominous image that he wanted to impress upon his fellow residents of his small hometown in the middle of North Carolina.

“I can’t say this enough. The roads tonight are very dangerous and getting worse. Stay off the roads. We could get accumulations of up to six inches or more. In fact, this storm is reminiscent the storm of 1979, forty-four years ago this week, the storm that caused the tragic death of Lillington High School senior Laura Jenkins…”

Kyle broke in, “Leon, you have a memory like a steel trap. Thanks for that report. And now for the latest school closings.”

Leon was used to being cut off by Kyle. Of course it had not always been Kyle Jackson. Over the years Leon endured a whole parade of square jaws like the virile Kyle bursting with his scripted enthusiasm and burning desire to escape. But Leon would never leave. He loved his town—especially on nights like this.

After the broadcast, Leon and Kyle walked backstage. Leon fumbled with the clip on his microphone, His hands were a little shaky, a side effect of the medicine the doctor had given him for his heart. He sent the device skittering across the floor. 

“What’s the matter Leon, you’re nervous as a cat. Got a hot date?” Kyle chuckled, still using his pompous anchorman’s voice. 

Leon was 61, but looked older. He had always refused TV makeup, and his wispy gray hair lay limp on his balding head like a tangle of daisy stems that had been trampled upon. “Very funny Kyle. Just trying to get out of here before it gets too bad. You should too.”

“Sure thing. Married guys like me have to get home on time, rain or shine. Just got to stop off and get something for the wife. Gifts. It’s what people in love do for each other, you know?”

Leon buttoned up his coat and went out to his rust-riddled car. It started om the third try. The snow continued falling. But Leon didn’t worry. He knew there would not be enough snow to cause any real problems. 

Leon navigated the back roads towards the old high school at the edge of town. Memories flooded in from his days as a gangly kid loping along from class to class, hoping for just one day without some taunt or insult. 

It was also where he had once snuck out behind the chorus building and first kissed the only girl he ever fell in love with: Laura Jenkins.   

Leon turned into the parking lot. The cracked asphalt had turned into a bone-white lake. The expanse glistened under the lone streetlight with flecks of astral blue.

No one heard the door of his car slam shut. 

He crossed the practice football fields, his feet brushing hushed steps through the ash-soft dusting of snow. He stopped half-way and stood facing the woods beyond the edge of the field.  


He peered into the crisscrossing mass of black and gray branches and trunks. He looked for a long time. The snow spiraled down. It did not matter how long he stayed out here. There was no one to miss him.  

Snowflakes pricked his nose and melted. Still he did not dare move. This was the eighteenth year since his promotion to head meteorologist at the station, the eighteenth year he had come. He knew that even the slightest sound could cause the entire scene to collapse.  

As he stared into the tangled dark, with icy flakes pattering like a whispering soft breathing, Leon cast his hearing as far out as he could. He had done his part, using his staged exaggerated forecast to frighten away as many drivers as possible, silencing the din of traffic from the highway. Now he had to wait.

He waited a long time.

Then, a tiny glint of sound. From far far off. He listened, hunting. For it was only now, in the middle of the special quiet of a rare snowfall night, that one could even hope to hear it. But finally. The singing. Just the barest, most delicate diaphanous sound, fading in and out like winter breeze through swaying barren treetops. A lilting winsome sound, high and thin and curved as the wind, a woman singing, yet still too distant to make out words. But Leon felt in his heart of hearts the singing was for him alone. 

He started again towards the woods. Each year the singing would stop well before he made it to the edge of the forest. This time he ventured as far as being able to touch the first trees and the singing did not stop, but became louder, clearer. Then out of the corner of his eye he caught a flicker of movement. 

Leon turned. A crimson ribbon fluttered from a low branch. He untied the hasty half-knot, too silky to be a surveyor’s marker. More like what a young woman might wear in her hair. He opened his coat and with great care placed it into his left shirt pocket. The singing stopped. He gazed down a dark snowfall path that led into the woods. 

Leon became very cold. His chest had a feeling inside like a sparrow trying to flutter its way out. He decided to enter the woods. 

He did not return. 

 



When not traveling to parallel universes, Paul Celmer is a technical writer in Durham, North Carolina. His recently published flash science fiction includes “Spooky Action At a Distance” in Daily Science Fiction, “The Last Rosy-Fingered Dawn” in Cosmic Roots and Eldritch Shores, and “Katafalka” in Stupefying Stories.


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Sunday, December 10, 2023

POSSIBLY IRRITATING ESSAY: Near Future SF OFTEN Ignores Human Education

Using the Programme Guide of the 2020 World Science Fiction Convention, ConZEALAND (The First Virtual World Science Fiction Convention), I will jump off, jump on, rail against, and shamelessly agree with the BRIEF DESCRIPTION given in the pdf copy of the 2020 Program Guide. I will be using the events to drive me to distraction or revelation – as the case may be. 


The Day After Tomorrow: Near Future SF

What are the challenges of SF set in the near future? What are good examples?

Shiv Ramdas: panelist, writer
Karl Schroeder: author and futurist, love his world, CANDESCE!
Glen Engel-Cox: writer
Caren Gussoff Sumption: writer, mental health professional
SB Divya: author, co-Editor of Escape Pod, data scientist

The vast majority of my professionally published work has been, much to my dismay, based in the Near Future. (I love ALIENS!!!) Most often, the story revolves around genetic engineering – or gengineering. Four of my published pieces deal with aliens, three are historical, and thirteen others deal with us messing around with our Human genetic code.

In one set of stories, Humans mess with the DNA so much that another part of Humanity has splintered off in protest and has narrowed Human to being someone with 65% or more unaltered Human DNA as documented in the 2023 version of the completed Human Genome Proje
ct [It was declared complete on April 14, 2003, and included about 92% of the genome. Level "complete genome" was achieved in May 2021, with a remaining only 0.3% bases covered by potential issues. The final gapless assembly was finished in January 2022."

 So, anyone with fewer Human genes than that is, by definition NOT Human; though at the same time, they aren’t ALIENS, either. I’ve had two stories published that take place in that universe.

So what else will happen the day after tomorrow?

How about changes in EDUCATION? One of my biggest pet peeves is that for some reason, many SF writers appear to insist that “In the 23rd Century, children will sit in desks while being taught by a Human teacher – with (of course) the obligatory tools of computers…remind you of another century in which computers were integral parts of a classroom? Does “Twentieth” ring a bell? The writers of STAR TREK have kids sitting in desks aboard the FREAKING FLAGSHIP OF THE FREAKING UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS! Oh, and the children are members of a variety of species of aliens – all of whom, apparently, learn the exact way Humans do.

AS IF ALL HUMANS LEARN THE SAME WAY!!!!

OK, I’ll try to tone down the shouting. The thing is, no one seems to want to look at the future of education. Is it because they believe that how we educate our children today reached its absolute pinnacle in 1950 and there was nothing else to add? Close the book. End of entry. Bye-bye…

Has anyone ever wondered if it a profound limitation of the Human brain that the ONLY way we can learn is by sitting in desks and allowing OTHER people to teach our children, ones who are TRAINED to do it in the CORRECT manner?

I call “Hooey” on that one! If that were actually true, then Abraham Lincoln as well as Edison, Teddy Roosevelt, Agatha Christie, Alexander Graham Bell, Alexander Hamilton (of recent musical fame), MacArthur & Patton, DaVinci, both Wyeths, Brigham Young, John Phillip Sousa, Alex Haley (who, of course, wrote ROOTS), and William F. Buckley (plus several OTHER presidents beside Lincoln and Roosevelt)…would have been uneducated louts because they were HOME SCHOOLED.

“Ah, but that was in the OLDEN DAYS!!! EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW, the 21st Century is so incredibly more complex. We KNOW (and have been repeatedly told by the Education Machine) that parents are in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM QUALIFIED TO TEACH THEIR CHILDREN!!!!” Students ALL need to have access to computers (Note: I originally wrote this before the Educational Fiasco of the Pandemic Years...though I'd like to note that the biggest issue there was that teachers, schools, and other paraprofessionals had to INVENT curriculum and methodologies while the rest of the world pretended that even though everything else had changed, education had not. Many parents assumed that the SCHOOLS would continue to educate students as they always had -- with minimal parental input. The schools on their part, made the assumption that all parents "automatically" knew how to educate their kids. We all know exactly what happened all around the world...)

OK, I’ll pick up the gauntlet you’ve tossed down to tell me that the pandemic has conclusively proven that parents can’t (read: didn’t realize their kids were so DIFFICULT to teach) possibly provide an effective education to their children (read: and pursue their own lives and careers) – [(please keep in mind that I was a middle school and high school science teacher (all levels, grades 6-12; astronomy to zoology; special education; English Language learners; and International Baccalaureate/Honors program) for 31 years; followed by ten years as a counselor; mostly at a near-inner-city high school which drew ten percent of its population FROM inner city families whose intent was for their children to get the best education they could – and I’ve taught at private religious, a public charter school, a summer school program for Gifted and Talented student; as well as homeschooling our own children from K-4th grade and 1st to sixth grade…]. Oh, I'd like to throw a few other homeschooled names out: the first woman confirmed as a US Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O’Connor. The Jonas Brothers were all home schooled. So was Simone Biles (you know, that Olympic Gold Medalist in Gymnastics…); Tim Tebow, Serena and Venus Williams, Ryan Gosling, Emma Watson (yeah the one who had a small part in those little-known movies about some kid named HARRY POTTER…), Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Condoleeza Rice (66th US Secretary of State (as well as first woman, and first African American (under a REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT no less!) to be so appointed. Speaking of which, a fair number of other presidents were homeschooled…)), and mathematics genius Erik Demaine. I’m sure there are other people who have “survived” being homeschooled and who contribute to society in meaningful ways. Oh, and the objection that, “Homeschooling will not give my kids the essential SOCIAL skills that they need to SURVIVE in the world and get a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Yeah, too bad Teddy Roosevelt was such a shy wallflower. Put him and Tim Teboe and Emma Watson in a room and no one would say a word because they haven't been properly socialized...

I’d be willing to bet money that the subject this panel did NOT discuss changes in education (please enlighten me if you were there! The video wasn't available when I tried to watch it...).

However, just adding technology to do the same stuff Humans have been doing at least since 1642 is NOT a paradigm shift. [a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumptions.] (“The first compulsory education law in this country was enacted in 1642 in the Massachusetts Bay Colony…by 1918, all states had passed school attendance legislation…”) Formal education was initiated in Egyptian history during the Middle Kingdom, around 1040 BCE. So, science fiction writers telling me that public education won’t change in the future (except that we’ll add computers…) is quite honestly ridiculous! I call “Hooey” on that attitude!

I’ll also call, “Where EXACTLY is the creative, forward thinking that made science fiction the ‘literature of ideas’…” I’ve worked on it and I think I have a fascinating and advanced way to teach…and have been regularly and silently rebuffed in my attempts to present OTHER ways that Humans might effectively learn. Can anyone link me to an SF story that actually proposes something that is more than a reiteration of a system that is well over 5000 years old…

(BTW: direct "brain download" isn't something we can do today. Besides, if I simply downloaded all of the data a typical 8th grader learns, followed by the data and textbooks 9th-12th have to receive in order to graduate from High School in Minnesota...THAT WILL GIVE ME A STUDENT WITH A HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION?" A brain implant would suffer the same problems -- education requires some sort of matrix onto which "facts" can be hung; as well as a neural network of emotion and context that can integrate the facts... 

I wish I could say I’d expect a challenge or response to this suggesting that there’s been SEVERAL stories and novels that show novel, creative ways of teaching. In fact, I am EAGERLY WAITING TO BE SO GIFTED!!!!

…but I sadly doubt that I will.

Reference: https://www.homeschoolacademy.com/blog/famous-homeschoolers/
Program Book: https://sites.grenadine.co/sites/conzealand/en/conzealand/schedule
Image: https://elearningindustry.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/online-education-is-the-future.jpg

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Remembering the Future: “Requiem for the Space Age” • by Bruce Bethke


This morning I learned that after 33 years in orbit, the Hubble Space Telescope has gone offline, due to the failure of one of its three remaining gyroscopes

Gee. What a shame we don’t have some sort of reusable, crewed, orbital launch vehicle—let’s call it a “space shuttle”—that we could use to fly a repair team up there, to perform the sort of in-orbit maintenance the Hubble was expected to need and designed to accommodate.

I’m speaking sarcastically, of course. I’m well aware that we had a space shuttle, and also well aware that those first-generation Enterprise-class brick airplanes were retired for good reason, after they killed two crews in in-flight accidents. The second-greatest failure of the shuttle program wasn’t the design of the ship, though. It was the decision by someone in the NASA hierarchy to pretend the shuttle was not an extremely dangerous experimental aircraft, and instead to try to sell the thing to the public as a flying magic school bus. As a consequence schoolchildren nationwide got to watch in horror as Ms Frizzle and the crew of the Challenger were blown to bits on live TV.

Still, the greatest failure of the shuttle program was not the loss of the Challenger, or even the loss of the Columbia. It was that those ships were not merely first-generation craft; they were the only generation.

Whatever happened to learning from tragedy and trying again?

§

I grew up on the Space Age. I grew up with the Space Age. I watched the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo programs unfold as news, not history, and followed aerospace news and the X-plane programs the way other kids my age followed major league baseball. I was that nerdy kid off in the corner with a hand-me-down copy of Aviation Week & Space Technology (what, didn’t everyone grow up with aerospace engineers and rocket scientists for family friends?), with my feet on the Earth but my head in the stars. Long before Star Trek ever went on the air, the idea of the Final Frontier had its hold on me. Western Civilization had already gone as far west as it could go. Now the only choices were to go down, into the oceans—yech, too cold and wet for me; maybe it would have seemed like a better idea if I’d lived somewhere where there were porpoises, not carp, and the water wasn’t about five degrees above freezing year-round—or else up, into space.

Besides, we had to get to the Moon before the Russians did. If they got there first, they might claim it as Russian territory! And put atomic bombs up there!

§

In retrospect, perhaps things would have been better if the Soviet Union had gotten there first. In the sober light of day, the idea of putting a nuclear missile base on the Moon is ridiculous. There would be no way to hide the visible signature of a missile launch. 

[“But what if they put it on the dark side of the Moon?!” my inner ten-year-old argues.

[“Even if they could somehow hide the light emitted by the launch burn,” my adult self answers, “and even if they could hide the launch vehicles from ground-based radar as they came out from behind the Moon, our entire defense industry would be working overtime to find some way to detect such a launch as soon as it happened. And given that it takes at least three days for a spacecraft to make the transit from the Moon to the Earth, by the time their warheads finally arrived here, the war would be over and the Soviet Union would be a smouldering radioactive wasteland.”

[“But… what if they used faster missiles?”

[“If they were launched from the dark side and had to slingshot around the Moon to get pointed in the right direction, it would still take at least three days. Because physics. Specifically, orbital mechanics.

[“Remember, the point of a nuclear deterrent is to have it close to your enemy, so they don’t have much time to react. If you’re going to give your adversary three days’ advance warning, you may as well not launch at all. That was why we were so alarmed when the Soviets tried to put nuclear-capable intermediate-range ballistic missiles in Cuba—and why the Soviets were so willing to give up their plan to put IRBMs in Cuba in exchange for our quietly withdrawing our Redstone missiles from Turkey a few months later. Both launch sites were too close; they were oops close. Neither side wanted to start Armageddon by accident.”

[“Huh—what? But I thought the Cuban Missile Crisis…”

[“Never mind. I’ll explain later.”]

Think it through, though. If  the Soviets had gotten to the Moon first and established any kind of presence there, there is no way our government would not have moved Heaven and Earth, and perhaps a little bit of Hell, too, in order to establish an equal-but-opposite presence on the other side, just to keep an eye on the Russians. What great advances in space exploration and a permanent human presence in space might have grown from that deep mutual mistrust!

Instead, we got there first, and discovered, in the immortal words of Earl Holliman in Forbidden Planet:

“Another one of them new worlds. No beer, no women, no pool parlors. Nothing. Nothing to do but throw rocks at tin cans, and we gotta bring our own tin cans.”

So we went back to the Moon—and back again—and pretty soon the public lost interest, and the TV ratings dropped, and the Apollo program was canceled prematurely, like the last season of Babylon 5. I never got him to explain exactly what his personal connection was, but Dr. Jerry Pournelle was at times known to wax quite profane at the idea that his Saturn V—it was supposed to be either Apollo 18 or 19—never flew, but ended up as a museum piece, corroding away in the rain on the lawn of the Johnson Space Center.


I look at that sad sight and think of 1421, which is when (it is claimed) a Chinese fleet under the command of Admiral Zheng He discovered and explored the western coast of North and South America—and then, finding nothing of particular interest or value here, Zheng turned around and went back to China, never to return.

§

Back in the 1960s, we all knew that Wernher Von Braun’s vision of strapping astronauts into capsules perched on the noses of ballistic missiles was just a stopgap; an expedience; it was what we had to do to beat the Russians to the Moon. The Thor, Redstone, Atlas, and Titan launch vehicles that were the muscle of the Mercury and Gemini programs were all originally designed to deliver nuclear weapons to Russia. Only the Saturns were designed from the drawing-board up as manned space exploration vehicles, with no nuclear warhead payload. The real future of manned space exploration, we all knew, would evolve from the X-plane program.

For now, yes, brave men sitting in tin cans bolted onto the noses of giant bombs built by the lowest bidder; that will have to do. But in the future we will fly up to space, in proper hypersonic aircraft, live and work in space in comfortable giant orbital bagels, and then, when it comes time to return to Earth, we will fly down to a controlled and comfortable landing in a conveniently accessible place.


The obvious next step then was to build a space shuttle, designed to do exactly that, and to fly that mission profile. I remember following with great interest the arguments that were raging circa 1970 over which of the competing design concepts would be the best way to build a craft that could achieve those objectives. 

And then, because NASA is a government agency, they settled on a ceramic glider bolted onto the side of a giant bomb, with the initial liftoff thrust to be augmented by a couple of Minuteman missiles strapped onto the sides of the fuel tank. And all this to be built by the lowest bidder.

What could possibly go wrong?

§

The story of human progress is the story of risk. From the day our first proto-human ancestor thought, hey, maybe it would be a good idea to climb down from this tree and try walking upright, every step of progress has come with the risk of disaster. Sometimes it’s disaster for an individual; sometimes for an entire group. Sometimes the sabre-toothed cat gets you; sometimes you wind up wearing its pelt and discovering that it’s good to be warm and not naked. It may be possible to live a life that is completely without any risk at all, but I have to think such a life would be a stultifying, boring, and very nearly meaningless.

In the long run, I think it would even be an irrelevant life. The ones who chose not to take risks are still up in the trees, searching for fruits and insects to eat and hoping not to be eaten by jaguars. They aren’t our ancestors.

Our ancestors were the ones who came down from the trees. Our ancestors were the lucky ones, who took risks, prospered from their good choices, survived their bad mistakes, and learned from their experiences. Being social animals, the even-luckier ones were those who developed the ability to learn from observing the good choices and bad mistakes of others, and then to pass on what they had learned to their offspring. We are the product of 4.5 million years of hominid evolution, all of which seems to have come together to produce a creature unique in its ability to say, “Okay, that didn’t work. What else can we try?”

Note that I did not say the end product. I don’t believe evolution is done with us just yet. But it does seem to me as if evolution has taken a brief pause just now, as if to catch its breath, before we take our next great leap.

§

As we stand today we are biological learning machines, shaped by millions of years of evolution to be creatures willing and able to explore our world, to try to comprehend it as best we can, and to figure out how to either adapt to its conditions or to modify its conditions to better suit our needs. We are creatures designed to find new frontiers, and then to wonder what lies beyond them. We are explorers. We are learners. We are problem-solvers.

Yet here we stand, on the threshold of space, hesitant and seemingly afraid to take the next step. Okay, the brick airplane didn’t work. What else can we try?

I look at NASA and see an enormous bureaucracy that lacks a vision and a purpose, beyond the sad purpose of perpetuating the continued existence of the bureaucracy and all those well-paid government jobs. I look at the EAS and see about the same thing, only smaller and with less money. I look at Roskosmos and try not to laugh: we were afraid of them

I look at Virgin Galactic and don’t understand what I see. Is this a serious space exploration company? An expensive publicity stunt? A really bad music video? 

I look at SpaceX and admire their chutzpah, at Boeing’s Starliner and hope it pans out, at Lockheed Martin’s Orion and hope that after 26 billion taxpayer dollars spent it actually flies some day. But of all three I think, great, cool, we’re almost back to where we were when the Apollo program was canceled, nearly 50 years ago.

Now what about flying into space, and flying back from it? Sixty years later and we still haven’t figured out a better way to get into space than by putting a capsule on top of a giant bomb and lighting the fuse, nor a better way to come back down from low-Earth orbit than by popping a bunch of parachutes and hoping we don’t hit the ocean too hard? We are by nature problem-solvers. Isn’t anyone working on a way to solve these two problems? 

§

I don’t remember doing this, but apparently my father thought it was so cute that he wrote it down, and I found it in his notes as we were cleaning the house after he died. When I was very young, someone asked me if I wanted to be the first person to go to the Moon. I said no, I wanted to be the first person to come back from going to the Moon.

I no longer believe that’s going to happen. I’m getting too old. This body of mine is wearing out. When I was young not only did I believe I might someday actually go to the Moon, I believed the manned exploration of Mars was only a few decades away and something I would see happen in my lifetime.

I no longer believe that, either.

What I do believe is this: that as a society, we face a choice. We can either let this be 1421 all over again, or we can take the next step, and go back up and even further out into space. Even if it involves great risk. Even if missions fail. Even if sometimes entire ships and crews are lost. 

I believe that we were not made to stay put forever on this good planet Earth. I believe that we were made to explore, to learn, and to come back if we can, to tell the tales of the strange and wonderful places we have seen. We were made to be voyagers, sailing on the sea of stars.

Not me. Not now. My time has passed. But perhaps my grandchildren, or my grandchildren’s children, will be the ones to take those next steps. Evolution isn’t done with us yet. I believe we are on our way to becoming something new; something better. Call our descendants Homo astronauta, or Homo cosmicus, or Homo stellaris, or whatever you will.

Whoever they are, they’re going to be fantastic. I wish I could be there to meet them. Even if it means my being on the wrong side of the unbreakable glass in the Monkey House, in the primate wing of the Intergalactic Zoo… 

Just, please don’t lose your nerve and go 1421 on me. We’re meant to be better than that.

__________________

In science fiction circles Bruce Bethke is best known either for his 1980 short story, “Cyberpunk,” his Philip K. Dick Award-winning novel, Headcrash, or as the editor and publisher of Stupefying Stories. What very few people inside the SF/F fiction bubble have known until recently is that he spent most of his career in software R&D, doing things that were fascinating to do but almost impossible to explain. What even fewer people have known is that he actually got his start in the music industry, as a composer, performer, and a member of the design team that developed MIDI, among other things, and he has an enormous repertoire of stories that begin, “This one time, this band I was in…” all of which are far too raunchy to tell in any medium his children or grandchildren might someday read.

Yes, he still has his 50-year-old cherry red Gibson SG with P-90 pickups, as well as his original 1971 ARP 2600, and he fully intends to get back to doing music, one of these days…


   



 


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Monday, December 4, 2023

What Do We Do When We Find “Them”?

Using the Program Guide of the 2018 World Science Fiction Convention in San Jose, CA, I read the notes and comment on the subject.
SETI: 
What Do We Do When We Find Them?

Scientists at SETI, and METI, and other organizations are actively searching for extraterrestrial intelligence. But what are we going to do when we make that first contact?


Andrew Fraknoi: Director of the Astronomical Society of the Pacific, author, Asteroid 4859 Asteroid Fraknoi…
Brother Guy J. Consolmagno, SJ: American research astronomer and Director of the Vatican Observatory
SB Divya: author, Nebula Award finalist, co-editor of Escape Pod, degree in Computational Neuroscience and Signal Processing, electrical engineer
Douglas Vakoch: PhD, President Messaging Extraterrestrial Intelligence, editor
Lonny Brooks: PhD, associate professor of communication at California State University

What to do, what to do?

I’m sure the “answer” was easy for this group and the people sitting in the room. I wasn’t there, though I would have slipped unnoticed and unremarked into the “people sitting in the room” demographic. ALL of us would have intelligently discussed the pros and…well, pros.

I’m sure someone would have mentioned Hawking and Brin, and even though he was listed among the Program Participants, he didn’t attend this particular session because his thoughts on phoning ET are pretty well known (though side-stepped here by quoting the originator of the opinion he echoes at every opportunity): “Jared Diamond offers an essay on the risks of attempting to contact ETIs, based on the history of what happened on Earth whenever more advanced civilizations encountered less advanced ones... or indeed, when the same thing happens during contact between species that evolved in differing ecosystems. The results are often not good: in inter-human relations slavery, colonialism, etc. Among contacting species: extinction.”!

From the grave, Hawking’s opinion would have echoed from the 2016 documentary Stephen Hawking’s Favorite Places, “Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they could reach,” he said. ‘Who knows what the limits would be?’ And in the, Hawking reiterated his views: ‘Meeting an advanced civilization could be like Native Americans encountering Columbus. That didn’t turn out so well.’”!

These and other ET “deniers” couldn’t have been “shushed” (both of them carry the status of Super Star, and who would stand against Hawking, whose mind is often compared to Einstein, Newton, and ), but I’m sure their imprecations would have fallen on mostly deaf ears. Certainly a reasonable number of SF writers have a somewhat different view of what interactions between Earth and extraterrestrials would be like. Even in Brin’s UPLIFT UNIVERSE, Humans, while underdogs, were hardly slaughtered wholesale and enslaved (though several intelligences, like the Gubru and the Soro, thought Humanity could use a bit of “finishing” followed by a thousand years of indenture.

No, rather than the faithful and the deniers, the Con should have invited the “person on the street”, the ones who number in the BILLIONS (seven billion to be more accurate), and don’t really give much thought to the possibility of First Contact. Yet, they would be the most profoundly affected by such an event. HG Wells held out little hope for a calm response to First Contact:

"So, you understand the roaring wave of fear that swept through the greatest city in the world just as Monday was dawning—the stream of flight rising swiftly to a torrent, lashing in a foaming tumult round the railway stations, banked up into a horrible struggle about the shipping in the Thames, and hurrying by every available channel northward and eastward. By ten o’clock the police organisation, and by midday even the railway organisations, were losing coherency, losing shape and efficiency, guttering, softening, running at last in that swift liquefaction of the social body.” (XVI. THE EXODUS FROM LONDON. Paragraph 1) WAR OF THE WORLDS)

With wildly differing opinions among the faithful, what do you expect from commoners for whom the appearance of real-live aliens could range from outright, psychologically TRUE denial, to blithering panic, to catatonia.

While I’m sure the session was great fun, I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t have any idea what a regular person’s real reaction to “when we find them” would be…

Saturday, December 2, 2023

“Advances” • by L. D. Colter

 

Zane had almost finished his second beer when she walked in. 

The mauve hair highlighted with metallic gold was the same as her profile picture, but the rest of her was more than he’d expected. He’d sent a “Want to meet?” prompt to an attractive woman on the singles site, but the person in the doorway looked more like a supermodel. Zane wondered if he should have slammed three beers instead of two. It was a delicate tipping point between settling his nerves enough not to make a fool of himself and not getting so buzzed that he made a fool of himself anyway.

She scanned the room and spotted him at the bar. Heads turned as she approached him. “Zane McWilliams?” It wasn’t really a question.

“Hi, I’m,” he extended his hand ready to introduce himself, realized that was no longer necessary, and stopped awkwardly, “um, pleased to meet you. You must be Sarathan.” He shook her hand a second too long. Her face was like an airbrushed photo and she had a sultriness that hadn’t come across even in 3-D. His hormones cheered, but part of him wished she had been more what he’d imagined—a nice, ordinary, easy-to-talk-to person. Based on his last few dates, that was apparently harder to come by than one would guess.

She slid onto the stool next to him. Her short skirt hitched higher on her smooth thighs.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

She named a flavor of martini he hadn’t known existed. Zane signaled the bartender, ordered the drink, and held out the inside of his forearm to have his microchip scanned. A larger than expected monetary value appeared on the scanner and disappeared from his bank account.

“So, you’re a programmer,” she said.

He’d marked Technology Industries as his profession on the dating site, but had left the subcategory blank. Saying you were a programmer was about as individual and interesting as being a drone in a hive. Programmers were the new mass-production workers, like factory workers of the Industrial Revolution. If she knew his job, her chip must be scanning his already, the info traveling neural pathways directly to the language center of her brain.

“Um, yeah,” he said.

“Devon H and S,” she divined. “Big company.” Her chip must be one of the latest models, to read him with that kind of detail.

“Yeah,” he said, feeling less significant by the minute. Devon H&S employed eight million people worldwide, very few of whom held impressive positions.

How deeply could her chip read, anyway? He was going to have to get an updated shield if the new models were this advanced. “So, you’re in TI as well?” he said, stopping her before she could delve any further into his boring life. Tech Industries was all she had posted in her online profile and was as far as his chip could read.

“Yes.”

“Who do you work for?”

“New Millennium Advanced Tech.” She sipped her martini, exuding sophistication and elegance in every line.

“Oh.” No wonder she had the latest technology. New Millennium was a small company on the cutting edge, and they hired only the best and brightest. Zane had planned to apply a number of times, but recent promotions had kept him on at Devon.

“Any special department?” he asked.

“Profiling.”

Zane wasn’t sure what that was and didn’t want to look stupid by asking. He hunted through her available information for something they could talk about that might put him in a more positive light. There was a small buzz in his brain, like he’d encountered a shield, but different somehow. Different, but familiar. A possibility occurred to him.

“Would you excuse me for a moment?” Zane gestured toward the restroom, and she nodded.

Once in the men’s room, he removed a portable microprocessor from his jacket. He had intended to do some work from home over the weekend, but maybe he’d do a little here as well. After some quick parameter changes, he opened “search and block” and set the unit to emit, then placed the unit back in his pocket and returned to the bar. When he was a few feet from Sarathan she gave a small exclamation of surprise and nearly knocked her martini over.

The face was still hers, still attractive, but without the glow of perfection it was more of a girl-next-door attractiveness. The sultry air about her had vanished as well—and with it, the feigned confidence that the illusions had given her. Her hands fluttered on her purse. She bit her lip. Zane found himself looking at a nice, normal woman, who was apparently every bit as uneasy about first dates as he was himself.

“So,” he said, taking his seat next to her again. “Profiling. Does that have to do with artificial images?”

“Um, yeah,” she said, blushing furiously and glancing toward the exit.

“That’s a really interesting new field,” he said. “I’d love to hear about the work you do. Can I get you another martini?”

She studied his face as if afraid he was making fun of her. He wasn’t.

“Okay,” she said, blushing again, but risking a tenuous smile. “I’d be interested to hear about your work, too. Decryption, I’m guessing?”


 

 

Liz Colter has farmed with a team of draft horses and worked as a field paramedic, Outward Bound instructor, athletic trainer, roller-skating waitress, and concrete dispatcher, among other curious choices. Her short stories have been published in a variety of magazines and anthologies, and she was a 2020 finalist for the WSFA Small Press Award. Her debut novel A Borrowed Hell was the 2018 Science Fiction & Fantasy winner of the Colorado Book Award and While Gods Sleep was the 2019 winner. You can find a list of her published works and more at www.lizcolter.com


Friday, December 1, 2023

Introducing Henry Vogel

 

“Wait? What? Introducing? Why, we’ve known Henry Vogel for years!”

Ah, yes, you may think you know Henry Vogel, but—

“No, it says right here in my copy of Stupefying Stories that he’s the Rampant Loon Press consigliere—whatever that is.”

“Funny. In my copy it says he’s your dotar sojat, whatever—”

Yes, yes, I have indeed called him that at various times, and Henry himself would be the first to tell you that both I and the movie got it all wrong, because in Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Barsoomian Tharkish language dotar sojat actually means…

Oh, never mind. Just sit down, kids, and let me tell you a story about a man named Henry… no, wait, wrong song. Let’s try this one instead.

So let me introduce to you
the act you’ve known for all these years

§

I’d like to claim credit for Henry Vogel’s success as a writer, but he showed up in The Friday Challenge one day mostly fully formed, just needing a little more encouragement, polishing, and refinement. Ever since then he’s been a behind-the-scenes stalwart here, first in The Friday Challenge and then here in Stupefying Stories. Mostly, from my point of view, he’s been the calm voice of reason who has talked me down from the ledge more times than I like to think about, as befits someone who spent most of his career doing software development testing and QA work. From time to time he surfaces and becomes visible to the writing public, to share his hard-won knowledge about life as an indie author and comic book scriptwriter. (“We were Indie before Indie was cool,” he likes to say.) Lately he’s been our foremost scout, exploring and reporting back from the wilderness of the strange land known as Kindle Vella.

Around here, though, he will always be famous, or perhaps infamous, for the time he showed up at The Friday Challenge with his hilarious but hopelessly unpublishable comic book script, “Lex Luthor’s and Bruce Wayne’s Ex-Girlfriends Meet at a Cocktail Party and Compare Notes,” which introduced the now legendary crotchless Batgirl costume. Thus he proved that beneath that calm, quiet, fuzzy and lovable exterior there lurks an encyclopedic knowledge of sci-fi and comic geekdom, and a nearly infinitely deep and dark well of snark and sarcasm, shot through with shining threads of a sly sense of humor. 

For the sake of the greater good, he mostly keeps that persona hidden.

Mostly…

§

Like most of us, Henry really can’t remember when he became a science fiction and comic fan; that appetite seemed to be there as soon as he began to read. He got his start on writing side of the business back in the 1970s, as the co-editor of Eternity Science Fiction, a short-lived small press SF magazine. (That description seems redundant.) It’s difficult to tease tales of his experience as an editor out of him; when they do come out, he’ll talk about, say, the time Ray Bradbury’s “A Sound of Thunder” showed up in his slush pile, submitted by someone who insisted the story was their own original work.

Sigh. Do I know that one. 

Of his experience with Eternity, the best Henry will say is, “If I hadn’t done that, I would not have had the misplaced confidence to start doing Southern Knights.”

Southern Knights was Henry’s first big foray into indie comic book writing and publishing  Essentially, the Knights were a superhero team based in Atlanta, not New York, with a distinctly Southern flair, neatly anticipating DC’s decision a few years later to turn the Justice League into a franchise and open branch offices around the world. Southern Knights opened the door for X-Thieves, the X in the title standing for “Aristocratic Extraterrestrial Time-Traveling,” not Marvel-style mutants, as well as other comic book scripting work, including a brief stint with the company that managed to get the comic book rights to Voltron before anyone in North America knew what Voltron was. If you’re the sort who likes to buy old comic books in sealed bags and never actually read them, issues of Southern Knights and X-Thieves are still to be found on the Internet, and there are even three albums of collected X-Thieves stories to be found, if you prefer graphic novels to comic books, and if you like to give inflated amounts of money to collectors instead of to the original content creators.

Eventually, though, the glamor of being in the comic book business faded, and Henry decided to walk away from it all, to concentrate on his marriage, his family, and having a career with benefits, medical insurance, paid time off, and all that other mundane stuff.

Of course, the number of SF writers who have decided to hang it up and “get away from it all”—there’s even a word for it, “gafia,” in verb form, “to gafiate”—is legion, and sooner or later, most come back. As I can attest, it’s damned hard to walk away from the publishing business, once you’ve had a taste of success.

§

Henry’s return came in an unorthodox way, though. In 2005 he decided to become a professional story-teller, and go out into the world on the school, library, and festival circuit, telling stories to live audiences, mostly of children. (No, not while in drag. Was that question really necessary?) For him, this was a brilliant career move. If you’ve ever heard him speak, he “spins a good yarn,” as the expression goes, and he once told me that nothing makes you focus on keeping your story moving and getting to a satisfying ending like trying to keep an audience of fidgety 8-year-olds entertained. 

We’ve never published a collection of Henry’s children’s stories—they seem to lose something in the translation from Henry’s story-telling performance to the printed page—but you’ll find three of his best in the collection, I’m in Charge! & Other Stories, from VL Publishing. Personally, I’d recommend getting the paperback edition, as with all the interior illustrations it is just beautiful. Makes a great Christmas present for the young reader in your family.

No, seriously. It would make a great Christmas present, or at least a stocking-stuffer. You should give it a closer look.

§

When Henry first showed up in The Friday Challenge, then, he was already a talented story-teller and a seasoned professional. In the years since, he’s become a good friend and a reliable ally: thoughtful, insightful, and always supportive. While we have published a few of his “adult*” stories in Stupefying Stories—“Heart of Dorkness” in the original Stupefying Stories: It Came From The Slushpile, and “Watch This!” in issue #2—it quickly became apparent that his real hidden strength lay in longer formats.

[ * By “adult” I mean of a length and covering topics and situations not suitable for children. Henry is adamant that his stories never include profanity, explicit sex, or gratuitous violence. While he writes novels intended for adults, he insists that his stories never include content unsuitable for the bright YA reader.]

In 2014 Henry proved this, with the release of Scout’s Honor: A Sword & Planet Adventure. An unabashed homage to Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Barsoom tales (with just a few dashes of Leigh Brackett, Jack Vance, and Fred Saberhagen in there too, I think), Scout’s Honor is the sort of rollicking sci-fi pulp adventure that caused me to fall in love with the genre in the first place. Heroes, villains—and you can tell the difference—sword fights, airships, zap guns, a lost world, a beautiful but plucky princess who could have been played by a young Carrie Fisher, or in an earlier age, by Jean Arthur: Scout’s Honor is just plain fun, and the cliffhanger-driven pace never lets up until the last reel.

Of course, if you’re the sort of litterateur who frowns on finding fun in your science fiction, then you should pass this one by. There are plenty of depressing and nihilistic Nebula winners out there, waiting to feed your sense of anomie and existential despair.


To my surprise and delight Scout’s Honor was also our first big breakout bestseller, selling thousands of copies on Kindle. We’ve since expanded distribution to other platforms—the above list is by no means complete, it’s just what would fit neatly in the graphic—and into trade paperback, but go ahead. Click on the UBL image. If you haven’t already read Scout’s Honor, you can pick up the e-book for just 99-cents.

Or, if you’re the sort who would rather binge-read, you can click this link to get the entire series. It’s up to seven books so far, and Henry is showing no signs of stopping: he’s writing the eighth book right now, and running it as a serial on Kindle Vella

Fiction doesn’t get much fresher than this. On Vella, you’re practically reading over the author’s shoulder while they’re writing the book.

§

Once you’ve had a big breakout success like Scout’s Honor, what do you do for an encore? If you’re me, you do something stupid, like Rebel Moon, but if you’re Henry, you’re more level-headed than I am, so you do the obvious thing: you launch another best-selling series. In 2016 Henry gave us The Fugitive Heir, which again set new sales records for us, sold thousands of copies on Kindle, and proved beyond any doubt that Henry is not a one-hit wonder, a one-trick pony, or a one-idea writer.


With The Fugitive Heir he launched The Connaught Family Chronicles, which led to last year’s hugely successful and award-nominated book, The Hostage in Hiding, and…


And here I am again, out of time to write and with so much more left to say. I guess that’s just what happens when I start writing about something or someone as interesting as Henry Vogel.

Seriously, check out his books.  I guarantee, you’ll like what you find.

~brb