“Trash-Talking Space Honky Trips Over the Finish Line” • by Brandon Case


Albert “4x4” Johnson leaned on a faux-wood fencepost and pulled his black cowboy hat low over his eyes. “I’m the head human honcho of this here outpost.”

“That so?” asked Jeff, the skinny half-breed alien competing with him to drive the most posts.

“I’m goddamn faster than sin,” Albert said. “I’ll not be out-posted by some twiggy-sprout post-human wastrel!”

“That so?” asked Jeff, driving another post; another.

“Darn tootin’! You’ll be—”

Clanging a cowbell, their foreman shouted, “Jeff wins!”

__________________________

 

Brandon Case is an erstwhile government cog who fled the doldrums into unsettling worlds of science and magic. He has recent or forthcoming work in Escape Pod, Air and Nothingness Press, and The Dread Machine, among others. You can catch his alpine adventures on Twitter and Instagram @BrandonCase101.

P.S. If you appreciated this one, be sure to check out Brandon’s other recent contributions to Stupefying Stories, “Divided Sky, Stolen Life,” “Leave the Plasma Gun, Take the Cannoli,” “Writers Strike Reaches the Office of Predestination.”, and “Spin Drive Class with Captain Ryan.”

 

 

If you like the stories we’re publishing, donate today. We do Stupefying Stories out of pure love for genre fiction, but in publishing as in tennis, love means nothing. To keep Stupefying Stories going at this level we need to raise at least $500 USD monthly, and rather than doing so with pledge breaks or foundation grants, we’d rather have a broad base of ongoing support. If just 100 people commit to just $5 monthly, we can keep going at this level indefinitely. If we raise more, we will pay our authors more.

Please don’t make me escalate to posting pictures of sad kittens and puppies… 


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