Friday, June 21, 2024

“Wielder of Wit” • by Ian Li


Eileen eyed the wicked wizard with curiosity, for few foes dared duel her. Her sharp wit made her a formidable sorcerer, wielding jokes as incantations to deliver devastating spells.

Raising his spell-casting arms with a flourish, the stern-faced wizard taunted her. “Petty jokes are useless against me.”

As the wizard gathered darkness for his spell, Eileen began reciting an impromptu joke. But at the critical moment, she stumbled over the punchline.

The wizard cackled. “Bwahaha! You can’t even complete your joke.”

She smiled. “That’s okay. My spells only require you to laugh.” Ashen-faced, the wizard fled her surging flames.

 


 

Ian Li (he/him) writes speculative fiction and poetry and lives in Toronto. Formerly an economist and consultant, he loves spreadsheets, statistical curiosities, and brain teasers. Find his writing in print or forthcoming in Solarpunk Magazine, Radon Journal, and Flame Tree Press, as well as at https://ian-li.com

His most recent appearances in our pages were “Summit, in Memory,”  “Hosting a Tempest,” and most delightful of all, “The Potato Singer.”

 



Now FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers!


The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: punchline.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s batch of Pete Wood Challenge stories. Next week, we return to our normal SHOWCASE schedule.

Thursday, June 20, 2024

“A Behemoth Problem” • by Kimberly Ann Smiley

Brittany forced a smile at Behemoth. “Have you thought of any potential catchphrases?”

“I’m trying out a punchline.”

“A … punchline?”

“Yeah, I’ve been saying, ‘Behemoth smash!’ when I punch someone.”

“But—”

“And for my kickline, ‘It’s clobbering time!’” 

“Kickline?”

“I still need to think of a good deadline.”

Brittany sighed. “Captain Valor wants each hero to have a catchphrase. One original catchphrase.”

“But I want more lines!”

“How about we brainstorm catchphrases next meeting?”

Brand manager of a new superhero team had sounded like her dream job. Maybe her old boss would take her back if she groveled?

 



Kimberly Ann Smiley was born and raised in California but now lives in Mississippi after an unexpected plot twist. She has several pieces of paper that claim she is a mechanical engineer and none that mention writing, but has decided not to let the practical decisions made in her youth define the rest of her life. Her stories have appeared both here on Stupefying Stories and in Daily Science Fiction and Sci-Fi Shorts.

Learn more at https://kasmiley.wordpress.com/



The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: punchline.

More stories to come every day this week!

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

“Cruel, Unusual, and Optional” • by Gustavo Bondoni


“I can’t go to jail for three weeks. I’ll lose my job.”

The judge looked down. “This is the third time you failed a roadside blood alcohol test.”

Dom swallowed. “I’ll take the optional.”

“You’re sure?”

§

Cops escorted Dom along a line of hard men.

He stopped in front of a guy who looked a little shorter than the rest. The man gave a gap-toothed grin and said, “Bad choice.”

Then his hand slammed into Dom’s chin.

Water on his face woke him, and Dom heard the words. “Sentence served.”

He tried to mumble his thanks through missing teeth.

 


 

Gustavo Bondoni is novelist and short story writer with over three hundred stories published in fifteen countries, in seven languages.  He is a member of Codex and an Active Member of SFWA.His latest novel is a dark historic fantasy entitled The Swords of Rasna (2022). He has also published five science fiction novels, four monster books and a thriller entitled Timeless. His short fiction is collected in Pale Reflection (2020), Off the Beaten Path (2019), Tenth Orbit and Other Faraway Places (2010) and Virtuoso and Other Stories (2011).
 
In 2019, Gustavo was awarded second place in the Jim Baen Memorial Contest and in 2018 he received a Judges Commendation (and second place) in The James White Award. He was also a 2019 finalist in the Writers of the Future Contest.

His website is at www.gustavobondoni.com

Gustavo has become a regular contributor to Stupefying Stories and we have quite a few stories of his stories on this site. Check them out!


The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: punchline.

More stories to come every day this week!

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

The Odin Chronicles • Episode 36: “Stratigraphic Homesick Blues” • by Pauline Barmby

…Previously, in The Odin Chronicles

Turning a silvery river stone in her hand and sniffling back tears, Nina stared out the scratched window of her tiny office. A half-finished report glared from her computer screen; images of a smiling, curly haired family covered the tablet in her lap.

Nina’s boss, Raisa Popov, barged in without knocking. “Report ready yet? I need that assay before we can start drilling in sector seven.”

Nina started and switched off the tablet. “Nuh … no,” she stammered. “I’m, uh, just calculating.”

“Same as two hours ago. Galactic isn’t paying you to mope,” Popov growled.

“I know.” Nina’s voice was small, her eyes brimming.

Popov sighed. “Go home and get your head on straight. Be back here tomorrow, ready to work.” She stomped out, rattling the office’s flimsy aluminum door.

§

Nina drifted out into the dusty afternoon. Head bowed, she plodded along the road to town. Her wind-whipped hair tangled in her glasses.

A rattling vehicle wearing a faded Galactic Mining logo slowed to pull up alongside her. Through its open window, a youngish man grinned. “Nina, right? I’m Jonas.”

“I’m the new geologist.” Nina was polite but distant.

“I know. Popov assigned me to be your driver, starting tomorrow.”

“Driver? For what?” she blurted.

“Dunno. I just do what she says. Want a ride to town?” His tone was hopeful.

“I’d rather walk.”

“Okay, then. See you tomorrow.” He gave her a wave and drove off.  Nina coughed at the kicked-up dust.

§

Nina arrived at work the next day to find Popov and Jonas waiting with a shiny red Galactic truck. “Ready to get back to work?” Popov asked. Nina nodded silently. “Good. Grab your field kit.”

Jonas bumped the truck over washboard ruts and swerved it around axle-breaking potholes while Nina’s head swiveled back and forth at the sight of crumbling hoodoos and distant peaks. Popov signaled Jonas to pull over at the base of a five-meter-high outcrop. She hopped out and Nina followed her to the rock face, blinking away dust. Nina’s eyes widened as she reached out. “Are those…”

Popov swatted her hand. “Fossils? You tell me.”

Nina pulled a magnifier from her kit. “Trilobites? But how could there be Earth fossils here? That’s a huge discovery!”

“A huge discovery that could put this planet out of business. If word gets out, mining could be shut down for years while we sit around and wait for hordes of scientists to show up. Galactic suspects they’re fake. You need to prove it.”

“Fake? Why? How?”

“Don’t care,” Popov nearly spat. “Galactic wants proof one way or the other. If they’re fake, to refute nosy questions. If they’re real, to stall while they figure out what to do.”

Nina pushed up her glasses. “How long do I have?”

“A week,” Popov grunted.

“Okay…” Nina thought Galactic was being a bit paranoid. No scientists would be rushing out here. With time dilation, they’d be giving up years of their lives on the voyage.

“Then I need you back on those assays. Keep this quiet. Even from him.” She nodded toward Jonas, waiting in the truck.

§

For two days Nina and Jonas shuttled back and forth to the site, hauling field equipment and collecting samples. The first trip required all Jonas’ concentration to stay on the road. On the second trip, he tried to make conversation.

“Saw you alone in the bar last week. Heard you’ve been having a tough time.”

“Thanks, but I’d really rather not talk about it.” Nina fiddled with a sample case.

“I get it. I left for a decade. When I came back, I hadn’t aged but my brother—”

“You’re from here? You don’t get it at all.” Nina glared at him.

“I do,” he insisted. “I was homesick the whole time I was gone. Then when I got back, I still felt like an outsider.” Under his breath, he muttered, “Still do.”

“At least your family is here!” Nina cried. “You don’t understand! Just leave me alone.”

Jonas’ face hardened. The rattle of rocks in the truck bed was the only sound for the rest of the trip.

§

Nina threw every test she could think of at the outcrop samples: isotope composition. X-ray diffraction. UV fluorescence. She had to get this right. While she didn’t believe in Popov’s prophesied “scientific hordes,” she knew Galactic could and would fire her if she screwed up. In between tests, she snatched naps on the lumpy break room couch under a threadbare blanket that must have arrived with the first landing. Her fractured dreams featured her parents and sister, and strangely enough, Jonas.

When she followed the sunrise into town after five non-stop days of lab work, of course Jonas was the first person she encountered. He goggled at her disheveled appearance.

“I thought geologists had cushy office jobs. Looks like you’re earning your living.”

Nina was too tired to remember how annoyed she’d been with him. She trudged toward her apartment, trying to smooth her wild hair.

“So, what’ve you been doing?” Jonas asked, following her.

“Can’t say.”

“Come on. I work for Galactic too. What’s so secret?”

She gritted her teeth. “Cushy geologist stuff. Can’t say more or I’ll be in trouble with Popov.”

Jonas laughed. “Is anybody not in trouble with Popov?” His eyes met hers. “Listen, I’m sorry for butting into your business.”

“No, I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. It’s just…”

“Look, I know one thing about being homesick: you need friends. And something to do. Okay, two things,” Jonas laughed again. “Seems like you have something to do, whatever it is.”

“That’s for sure.” Nina’s eyes went unfocused and she yawned. “I just thought of another test to run…” The yawn turned into a small smile. “Can’t tell you what it is though.”

“Right. Secret.” Jonas winked. “But if you need a friend…” he trailed off as they reached her door. “Want to meet up for lunch later? Hans at the deli has a new pickle-and-cheese sandwich.” 

Nina’s head lifted as her eyelids drooped. “Thanks. I need a nap first, but lunch later sounds great.”

§

On her way to the mine offices the next day, Nina’s feet felt lighter. It wasn’t the gravity; the ache of homesickness was receding. She was beginning to feel like she might belong on Odin III someday. The next time she wrote home, she’d tell her parents and sister she was fine, that she had a friend and something to do. Eventually she’d actually feel that way, she hoped.

She reached Popov’s office door and held out the chip with her report, admiring the suns streaming through the dusty office window. Popov took the chip.

“They’re fake,” Nina said. “The specimens have machining marks. The isotope ratios are completely wrong for Earth or Odin III. The stratigraphy is completely unphysical. It’s all there.”

“Good work,” Popov said. “Galactic will be happy to get this.” She turned back toward her ancient desk.

Nina lingered in the doorway. “But why would someone fake a fossil bed? That would’ve been so much work.”

“Good question,” Popov said. “I guess you’ll just have to stay and figure it out.”

“I guess so.” Nina said.




Pauline Barmby is an astrophysicist who reads, writes, runs, knits, and believes that you can’t have too many favorite galaxies. She lives in London, Canada and hopes to someday visit her namesake main belt asteroid, minor planet 281067. Find more of her words at galacticwords.com.

Pauline has become a regular contributor to Stupefying Stories in recent years. If you enjoyed this story, you might also want to read “Trans-Earth Injection,” “The Triennial Igneous Tri-Partite Competition,” the deeply disturbing “Songbird, Jailbird,” or our personal favorite, “There is Only One Black Cat.”

 



Coming Saturday: Episode 37: “Odin Speaks in Flowers,” by Travis Burnham

New to the story? Check out

The Odin Chronicles: The Complete Episode Guide (So Far) 



 

“Green Shoots” • by Christopher Degni


They give us all false hope: tickets, with barely one in a hundred making the punch line. 

I focus on the screen flashing the winning numbers—I’ve already memorized my daughter’s and my own. The prize? A new life, away from here.

There! The afterimage lingers: my daughter’s number.

While I concentrated, she slipped away into the crowd. “Chloë!”

“Daddy!” She comes running. I take her ticket. That’s not right—

“My number was lucky. I traded with someone who needed it more.”

My heart chokes me. Then I see her shining eyes, and I’m reminded of what true hope is.

 


 


Christopher Degni is a 2019 graduate of the Odyssey Writing Workshop. He writes about the magic and the horror that lurk just under the surface of everyday life. He lives south of Boston with his wife (and his demons, though we don't talk about those). He was part of the editorial team for the anthologies Playlist of the Damned and the Stoker-award nominated Mother: Tales of Love and Terror. You can find more of his work in NewMyths.com, Sherlock Holmes and the Occult Detectives, 99 Tiny Terrors, 99 Fleeting Fantasies, and of course, here on Stupefying Stories.

Christopher has been a frequent contributor here in recent years. If you enjoyed this story, you might also want to read “Upgrade,” “The Infinite and the Infinitesimal,” “Life and Jacq and the Giant and Death,” or one of our personal favorites, “A 125-Word Story About Writer’s Block in the Style of Italo Calvino.”


 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: punchline.

More stories to come every day this week!

Monday, June 17, 2024

“Punch Flavored Punch” • by Yelena Crane

 

The music, décor, and activities were biometrically enhanced to perfectly attune to individual taste. Alice made sure this would be the party to end all parties.

“Anyone want punch?” she asked.

A line had formed at the bar. She could not have lines at her party, unless her invited guests were into that.

“First rule of any party is never drink the punch!” the crowd said.

“Oh yea?” Maybe they couldn’t vouch for their punch bowls, but Alice hadn’t even used digital security. She’d watched over it personally.

Alice took a big swig and smiled before she blacked out.



 


Yelena Crane is a Ukrainian/Soviet born and USA based writer, incorporating influences from both into her work. With an advanced degree in the sciences, she has followed her passions from mad scientist to sci-fi writer. Her stories often explore the boundaries of technology, the complexities of human nature, and the consequences of our choices. She's published in Nature Futures, DSF, Dark Matter Ink, Flame Tree, and elsewhere. Follow her on twitter @Aelintari and https://www.yelenacrane.com/.


If you enjoyed this story, you might also want to read her most recent previous stories on our site, “Like Clockwork,”  and “Literally.”


 

The Pete Wood Challenge is an informal ad hoc story-writing competition. Once a month Pete Wood spots writers the idea for a story, usually in the form of a phrase or a few key words, along with some restrictions on what can be submitted, usually in terms of length. Pete then collects the resulting entries, determines who has best met the challenge, and sends the winners over to Bruce Bethke, who arranges for them to be published on the Stupefying Stories web site.

You can find all the previous winners of the Pete Wood Challenge at this link.

This time the challenge was to write a flash fiction piece playing off key word: punchline.

More stories to come every day this week!

Saturday, June 15, 2024

The Odin Chronicles • Episode 35: “A Good Boy” • by Kimberly Ann Smiley

…Previously, in The Odin Chronicles

Dr. Peyton Putnam collapsed onto her couch. 

It had been a day. The patients were nonstop at the Odin Pediatric Clinic from the moment she unlocked the door until after the second sun set. To top it off, a massive storm had drenched her as she walked the five blocks through town to her bungalow.

At least it was the start of the weekend.

Normally, Peyton was a little embarrassed about her addiction to Twelve Times Round the Sun, but not tonight. Tonight, she had earned a few episodes. Baxtor, the stray cat she had adopted shortly after she arrived on the planet Odin III last summer, settled on her lap as the opening notes of the theme song played.

Peyton was completely absorbed in the antics of the new detective character with the silly catchphrase when she became aware of meowing. Loud, insistent meowing. Meowing that sounded just like Baxtor, who was still happily heaped across both of her legs.

Following the sound, she opened the back door to find a ball of gray fluff curled up on the mat.

Making soothing noises, Peyton moved towards the creature. It turned, and two things were immediately obvious. It was adorable, and it was definitely not a cat. Or any other animal she recognized. The shape of it was unusual, much longer than it was wide, with massive eyes and oversized pointed ears.

She’d been told that most native animals on Odin III were dangerous, but it didn’t seem aggressive. The creature looked scared and just sat blinking up at her. After a minute, it stood and limped towards her, dragging one of its back legs behind it.

“Oh no. You’re hurt. It’s okay. Come in.” Peyton was moving before her brain had a chance to question the decision. She could never turn away a patient in pain. “Let me grab a towel and my scanner.”

By the time she’d returned, her visitor had found Baxtor’s dish and was devouring the contents.

“Probably hard to catch food with that leg, poor thing.”

Baxtor watched the creature closely but didn’t seem alarmed. That had to be a good sign. She grabbed a second dish, set it on the ground, and added a heaping scoop of cat food to each. Soon, both animals stood side by side with their heads buried in the bowls.

After the food was gone, Peyton wrapped their visitor up in the towel, careful not to jostle its leg. She slowly ran her handheld medical scanner over the unexpected patient.  A huge yawn revealed the sharp fangs of a predator, but it hadn’t attempted to bite her. 

“Looks like you’re young. Not quite a baby, but close. Definitely a boy. No known diseases so that’s a relief. The bad news is this leg is broken. But the good news is that everything seems to be in the right place. I’ll splint it, and you should be good as new soon. Until then, you can bunk with us as long as you don’t try to eat Baxtor. Or me.”

Peyton spoke softly to the creature while she splinted his leg. The creature cocked its head like it was listening, but it never made a sound.

“It’s been a long day and I think we better get you settled for the night.”

Peyton opened the hall closet and grabbed Baxtor’s carrier. Carrying it into her bedroom, she set the carrier where she could see it from her bed.

“I think you better sleep in here. We’ll see how you’re feeling in the morning and decide what to do with you then.”

Peyton placed the creature in the carrier and shut the door tightly. It quickly curled up and settled down, never making a sound.

§

The next morning, Peyton startled awake to a loud beep. Fumbling with her comm, she managed to hit answer before she missed the call. It was one of those annoying automated messages that Constable Jenkins sent sometimes.

“There was considerable damage from the storm last night. No injuries have been reported, but recovery will take some time. All nonessential activities are canceled for today. Additionally, there were multiple break-ins reported last night. The suspects are still at large and should be presumed dangerous. Please lock all doors and report any suspicious activity to the constable’s office immediately. Thank you.”

Peyton sighed. The constable never had positive things to report, but at least she had already been planning to stay home today to tend to her mystery guest.

Peyton looked over at the cat carrier. Big solemn eyes stared back at her.

“I’m guessing you want breakfast.”

She opened the carrier. The creature walked out and stretched. He leaned against her ankles and headbutted her hand when she reached down, just like Baxtor when he wanted attention. He definitely enjoyed pets.

“You’re a little lover, aren’t you? I think I’ll call you Romeo.”

After feeding herself and the animals, Peyton did a few chores, but still felt tired and out of sorts. All morning, she kept thinking she was hearing things. Beeps from her comm, the tea kettle, meowing. It felt like she’d spent the entire morning checking things that were perfectly normal.

At least Romeo was settling in without drama. He clearly felt better. His splint didn’t seem to slow him down. He spent the morning following Baxtor around and copying everything the cat did, even using the litter box after watching Baxtor do it. Peyton worried about letting the creature wander her house freely, and kept a close eye on it, but both animals seemed perfectly content with the new arrangement.

After lunch, Peyton finally gave up on productivity. Feeling only a little guilty, she turned on Twelve Times Round the Sun. Romeo followed Baxtor as he jumped on the couch, and both animals were snuggled up with her before the theme song ended. Baxtor was soon snoring, but Romeo seemed to stare at the screen intently.  He only looked away to rub his head on Peyton when she petted him.

“Romeo is a good boy. Such a sweetie.”

The show was ridiculous and exactly what Peyton needed. She laughed every time the detective character said his silly catchphrase, “Sounds like someone’s looking for a fight. Honey, grab my guns!” You wouldn’t think the show could work it in so often, but somehow, they pulled it off.

That night, Peyton decided to skip the cat carrier so Romeo could access the food and litter box. She left him sleeping belly up on the couch when she went to her bedroom, shutting the door to keep the animals separated while she slept.

§

Peyton woke to the sound of something slamming into the back door. When she heard the sound again, she grabbed her comm and hit the emergency button to call the constable.

“Hello?” she whispered. “Constable Jenkins? I think someone’s trying to break in.”

“Dr. Putnam?”

“Yes.”

“Shoot. I’ll be there as fast as I can, but I’m a few minutes away.”

“What should I do?” Peyton’s skin felt icy with fear.

“Hide. Don’t engage with them. We’ll get there as fast as we can.”

Peyton crept as quietly as she could to her closet. The sound of her breath was loud in her ears, but after another loud bang, she heard the distinct sound of a door creaking open.

Suddenly, someone bellowed, “Sounds like someone’s looking for a fight. Honey, grab my guns!” in the exact threatening tone of the detective on the show.

Peyton wondered briefly if she’d left her monitor on before a different voice with a distinct Crystallian accent yelled, “Crap! Run!”

There was the sound of multiple people sprinting away. Soon, she heard her back door creak again and the familiar voice of Constable Jenkins.

“Hello? Anyone here?”

Peyton stumbled out of the closet and hurried towards the door.

Jenkins studied her. “You okay? The lock is busted. My deputies are checking the perimeter, but we haven’t seen anyone.”

“Someone shouted and scared them off.”

“Wh—” Constable Jenkins froze as Romeo strutted into the room. “Get behind me.” She moved so that she was between Peyton and the animal.

“It’s fine. That’s just Romeo.”

“You knew it was here?”

Peyton looked at the constable questioning. “Why are you freaking out? I splinted his leg. He’s sweet.”

“Did it hurt you?”

“Of course not.”

Jenkins’ face went through a whole series of emotions. “Do you know what that is?”

Romeo had slipped past Jenkins and was busy curling around Peyton’s ankles. Both women stared down at him. He blinked his enormous eyes and said, “Romeo is a good boy,” in a perfect impression of Peyton’s voice.

Jenkins looked shocked. “They’re mimics? That isn’t in the records.”

“It certainly explains a few things.” Peyton picked up Romeo and held him close.

“Put that thing down! It’s a Night Razor. Extremely dangerous.”

“I don’t care what he is because Romeo really is a good boy. He can stay as long as he wants.”




Kimberly Ann Smiley was born and raised in California but now lives in Mississippi after an unexpected plot twist. She has several pieces of paper that claim she is a mechanical engineer and none that mention writing, but has decided not to let the practical decisions made in her youth define the rest of her life. Her stories have appeared both here on Stupefying Stories and in Daily Science Fiction and Sci-Fi Shorts.

Learn more at https://kasmiley.wordpress.com/


Wednesday, June 12, 2024

The Never-ending FAQ: now on Kindle Unlimited


Welcome to this week’s installment of The Never-ending FAQ, the constantly evolving adjunct to our Submission Guidelines. If you have a question you’d like to ask about Stupefying Stories or Rampant Loon Press, feel free to post it as a comment here or to email it to our submissions address. I can’t guarantee we’ll post a public answer, but can promise every question we receive will be read and considered.

Before I delve into this week’s news, I want to comment on the above illustration. It’s a piece of stock art entitled, “soldier standing alone after the war in battlefield,” by the artist (studio?) Grandfailure, which I licensed from Adobe Stock for the glorious price of about two dollars. I’d originally bought it to use as the cover art for Mark Dreizig, an old novella of mine I keep meaning to re-release on Kindle, but that particular project keeps getting back-burnered.

Imagine my amusement, then, when I opened up Amazon Prime on my TV the other night and found this exact illustration, with a few other elements collaged in over the top, being used to promote some new “technology of war” program on Amazon Prime. Boy, the producers of that particular clip- and cheap CGI-show really went all out on producing expensive original content, didn’t they? I wonder if they used Amazon’s text-to-speech utility to produce the voice-over narration?

Well, I found it amusing, anyway…

The top news here this week is that, as laid out in the post “Doing the Mid-Year Pivot,” we have more of our books becoming FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers every day. As of this morning, the following titles are FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers. (Have I said FREE enough?)

If you haven’t been able to commit to buying any of these books, at least think about giving them a look, now that they’re FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers. If you like what you see, consider giving them a rating. A few comments in review would be even better, even if it’s only, “I liked this book.”

We don’t make much from Kindle Unlimited. As I’ve said many times before, being on KU cannibalizes the sales of short story collections. People tend to read only one or two stories in each book, and at the rate of slightly less than half a penny per page read, that does add up, but very slowly.

The entire objective in putting books out on KU, then, is to try to build awareness of Stupefying Stories as a brand, so that people will take a look at our new titles when they come out.

That’s why we’re here. To sell books. That’s our raison d'être in a nutshell. If we can’t get people interested in buying our books, nothing else we do matters.

And on that note, I have a bunch more questions about SHOWCASE and The Pete Wood Challenge in the mailbag, but I’m out of time to answer them right now. Back to work. On the next book.


Tuesday, June 11, 2024

The Odin Chronicles • Episode 34: “Dilation” • by Pete Wood

…Previously, in The Odin Chronicles

Jonas Gruber wished he were driving into the wasteland of Odin III alone, but he was stuck bringing Duncan Strasser with him to help fix the plasma barrier.

“Mind if I smoke?” Duncan Strasser asked. The senior mining engineer didn’t wait for a response. He lit up a cigar and blew rings into the cramped cab.

Jonas coughed pointedly, but the pudgy German didn’t notice. They couldn’t open the window because the waning storm that had damaged the barrier still kicked up sand and dust. Even the Jeep’s state-of-the-art filtration system didn’t block all the particles.

Jonas took one hand off the steering wheel and used his scarf to cover his nose and mouth.

He kept an eye on the barren landscape. You never knew when some rock or some uncatalogued wildlife of Odin III might damage a vehicle. Some claimed that predators roamed these wastelands. Jonas didn’t care to find out.

“You know, kumpel,” Strasser said. “Many think it is easy to blow smoke rings. Not so, kumpel. Not so.”

“Um, really,” Jonas muttered. He saw the same desolate sameness for miles. No wonder he’d drawn the short straw. That was the price he kept paying for being the new guy. Graveyard shifts, holiday hours. He had asked for time off for his nephew’s birthday weeks ago and instead of eating cake and gifting Kurt a kitten, he had to spend the day with the most boring man on Odin III.

Expeditions supposedly could be fun if you had the right companion. The older miners knew what they faced with Strasser. So they’d stuck Jonas with the human faucet that dripped words.

“Ah, some think the rings form themselves. No, not so. First you must…” Strasser droned on for an eternity.

An hour later—really five minutes—Strasser paused.

Jonas seized the opportunity. “I grew up here. I joined the interstellar merchant marine. I—”

Strasser interrupted. “You missed a lot of Christmases, yes?”

“I—”

“Dickens plagiarized A Christmas Carol. He stole his stories from greater writers. Fielding. Flaubert. Scrooge is essentially Madame Bovary. Her motivations.”

Jonas ground his teeth.

§

Jonas slammed on the brakes twenty yards from the shimmering plasma barrier and jumped out of the Jeep. He did not wait for Strasser.

He took a quick look at his surroundings. Barren desert behind him. Nothing broke up the monotony other than the ruts in the sand left by the Jeep.

He tried not to think of Kurt’s party. He’d had to drop off the kitten earlier, for you couldn’t exactly store a kitten and he doubted that Ingrid, the owner of the best bar on the planet, would take it back for a couple of days. She’d had enough trouble unloading the litter from the stray that slept in her storeroom. So, he’d missed seeing Kurt hold his new pet for the first time. Because he was always the damned new guy.

The pulsating barrier stretched to the right and left until it hit the canyon walls, so distant he couldn’t spot them. The barrier extended for miles in the sky until it finally petered out when the atmosphere thinned. To the right, a bamboo-like stand, about fifteen or twenty yards back from the barrier. A man could get lost in the dozens of square miles of forest.

He opened the back hatch and grabbed the plasma meter while Strasser started moving toward the equipment a bit slower. Jonas unbuckled a half dozen drones and sent them skyward to explore the upper reaches of the barrier. The drones could do a survey, though complicated repair jobs required dangling a worker out of a copter at a thousand feet. He hoped they didn’t have to return.

He double-timed it to the barrier before Strasser could suck him into another soliloquy.

Thank God Jonas didn’t have to detail the entirety of the barrier. Galactic had pinpointed the roughly one hundred yards where the breach had happened.

The wind whipped against his face. He wrapped the scarf tighter. Jonas walked to his left fifty yards. He’d go over the barrier inch by inch until he and Strasser met in the middle.

“This is like Hadrian’s Wall, yes?” Strasser called out. “Why there is so much myth about the actual construction.”

Jonas pretended not to hear. Strasser yelled a couple more times and, miracle of miracles, gave up and got to work.

An hour later Jonas had covered twenty-five yards and repaired a half-dozen breaches. Nothing found by the drones so far.

Nothing to hear but the whistling of the wind.

Not for long.

“I’m going into the bamboo,” Strasser yelled.

Jonas would have liked nothing better than to lose Strasser in a forest, but he could think of no reason to enter the stand. The barrier ended a good distance away. Strasser risked getting lost or something worse.

“It’s not a good idea to go in there,” Jonas called out. “It’s not bamboo. We don’t know what it is.”

“The barrier’s signature extends for a hundred or two hundred yards into the forest,” Strasser yelled, once again stating the obvious. “I’m going in. I’ll tell you about it on the ride back.” Strasser waddled and wheezed into the stand.

Even if the microwaves extended that far, which Jonas doubted, a technician couldn’t do anything about it from the bamboo-ish trees. Any repairs had to be made on the barrier itself.

Strasser’s voice became muffled. He kept talking, but soon Jonas could hear nothing.

Jonas sighed and resumed checking the fence. He’d probably have to do Strasser’s part. They’d be here past sundown.

Twenty minutes later, he heard Strasser’s voice. “Hey, could you come in here and give me a hand? There’s something I can’t figure out.”

Jonas unleashed some choice profanity and marched towards the forest. Then he stopped. It made no sense, but he wondered what was wrong with Strasser.

The entire day Strasser had never requested his help or admitted he didn’t know something. Why would he start now?

Jonas walked to the edge of the bamboo. “Are you saying there’s something unexpected you’ve encountered and that you need my advice?”

“Yeah!”

“It’s outside your area of expertise?”

“Yes!”

Since when did Strasser give one-word responses to questions?

Jonas recalled the drones and reconfigured them. They swooped into the forest.

Three drones did not return.

One sent a grainy video of Strasser laying in the dirt. Gash marks maybe on his arm.

Jonas radioed Galactic. He climbed into the Jeep, grabbed the photon gun from the back, and locked the doors.

§

Three hours later, Galactic’s search copters located Strasser. Very much alive, but dehydrated and badly scratched.

Galactic airlifted Strasser back but didn’t offer Jonas a ride. Just a warning to return the Jeep without delay.

He set off for the long ride back. He didn’t mind. He’d enjoy the solitude. He couldn’t wait to see Kurt play with Huckleberry—his nephew had named the cat after an ancient book the boy’s teacher had assigned.

One thought did puzzle him, though. Did some creature attack Strasser out of bloodlust? Or did it just want the asshole to shut up?




Photo by Lee Baker
Pete Wood is an attorney from Raleigh, North Carolina, where he lives with his kind and very patient wife. His first appearance in our pages was “Mission Accomplished” in the now out-of-print August 2012 issue. After publishing a lot of stories with us he graduated to becoming a regular contributor to Asimov’s, but he’s still kind enough to send us things we can publish from time to time, and we’re always happy to get them.

For the past few years Pete has been in the process of evolving into a fiction editor, God help him, first with The Pete Wood Challenge, then with Dawn of Time, then with The Odin Chronicles. Along the way he’s introduced us to the creative work of Roxana Arama, Gustavo Bondoni, Carol Scheina, Patricia Miller, Kimberly Ann Smiley, Kai Holmwood, Brandon Case, Jason Burnham, and many, many more. We suspect Pete’s real love is theater, though, as evidenced by his short movie, Quantum Doughnut — which you can stream, if you follow the foregoing link.

Pete Wood photo by Lee Baker.

Monday, June 10, 2024

The Odin Chronicles • Episode Guide

Welcome to Odin III, a grubby little mining world on the dark and dusty backside of nowhere. It’s a world where everything that’s worth having is already owned by Galactic Mining, and where people come to squander their hopes and lives, working for the company and dreaming of striking it big. It’s also a world where strange, weird, and sometimes fantastic things can happen, and they all seem to center around the settlement of Odin North and a friendly little bar called Weber’s Place

Prologue: A guy walks into a bar…
by Bruce Bethke

In which we introduce the world of The Odin Chronicles and explain just a little bit about the concept for this series and the creative team behind it.

 

Season One

Episode 1: “Weber’s Place” • by Pete Wood

It was supposed to be a routine flight: just a short hop to Odin II to test out a new hyperdrive. Then Ray Cornwall hit the power switch, and that’s when all the trouble began…

Episode 2: “Amid These Dancing Rocks at Once and Ever” • by Paul Celmer

Ray’s accidental changes to history continue to cascade down through the timeline, but Susan is one of the few people who somehow can still remember what her life was like before everything changed…

Episode 3: “The Song of Akinyi” • by Jonathan Sherwood

Ray relives the last flight of the Song of Akinyi, and makes a surprising discovery about what really happened in the moments before Hans became unstuck in time…

Episode 4: “The Two Fathers” • by Pete Wood

The Odin North parish priest, Father Francis, has a serious problem. The Church has decided he needs more help and sent him Father Luigi, and he’s had “help” from Luigi before. If only there was some sort of special work on Odin III that required Father Luigi’s unique blend of talents, that would take him away from town for a long, long time…

Episode 5: “Where’re You From?” • by Roxana Arama

Not everyone comes to Odin III hoping to have a good life. Some come hoping to have a bad one, and the life Florian wants to have is very bad indeed…

Episode 6: “Delayed Messages” • by Carol Scheina

One problem with being one of the furthest colonies out is that communications with Earth depend on a satellite relay system that can be very unreliable. A long-delayed message for Mine Supervisor Popov finally arrives, with surprising repercussions.

Episode 7: “Picnic” • by Pete Wood

While on a picnic up in the hills, Popov’s dog runs off and gets lost. Now it’s getting dark, and after dark is no time to be outside the settlement. In the daylight, Odin III’s native wildlife runs away from humans. After sunset, the tables are turned…

Episode 8: “A Friend for the Machinist” • by Jenna Hanchey

With Susan still missing, Daraja Mapunda, the man known as The Machinist, realizes he really needs to come up out of the tunnels more often, and perhaps even to think about making some new friends…

Episode 9: “Sloane Dreams of Being” • by Travis Burnham

While fixing the orbital satellite relay system, Repair Drone-15 is stricken by a massive solar power surge and accidentally becomes sentient. Realizing it’s disabled and going to crash, it reaches out to Daraja, but takes the name “Sloane” to hide its true nature.

Episode 10: “The Odinian Job” • by Gustavo Bondoni

It’s a tale as old as Old Earth: where there’s a mine, there’s a payroll, and where there’s a payroll, there are always a few dirtbags scheming to steal it. And no, even on Odin III, there is no honor among thieves.

(At this point in Season One we finally got the
budget to have illustrations for every story.)

Episode 11: “The Apple” • by Pete Wood

Still on his mission to contact the Rock People, Father Luigi finds something amazing, but what is it? A divine miracle? An alien artifact? A working example of Clarke’s Third Law in action? Whatever it is, Galactic Mining wants it, and Luigi is beginning to suspect that that’s not a good idea.


Episode 12: “Twelve” • by Roxana Arama


A young schoolboy discovers the secret of the Rock People, but it comes at a terrible cost.

 




Episode 13: “Would Scarcely Know That We Were Gone” • by Jonathan Sherwood

The barriers between the alternate realities are breaking down. Arthur begins to remember his life with Susan in the original timeline.


Episode 14: “Love and Groceries” • by Carol Scheina


Father Luigi and Shelley try to confront Father Francis and get him to approve of their relationship, but a malfunctioning service robot has other, more deadly ideas for all of them.

Episode 15: “No Place” • by Pete Wood


Starship crewman Jonas Gruber returns to Odin III for the first time in fifteen years, but the relativistic time dilation makes the reunion with his family and old friends very difficult.


Episode 16: “Dreams of Another World” • by Jenna Hanchey


For playwright Olivia Fontaine, exile or prison would have been better than following her husbands to their new teaching jobs here on Odin III. Constable Jenkins decides to take her in tow and show her there’s more to life on Odin III than first meets the eye.

Episode 17: “A Question of Timelines” • by Travis Burnham
 

Following her husband’s murder, a professional therapist flees to Odin III, where she begins to wonder whether koblyx, Odin III’s indigenous hallucinogenic mushroom, might actually have legitimate therapeutic value. Then she begins to experiment on herself…

Episode 18: “Memory Vault” • by Gustavo Bondoni

Now that Jonas Gruber has decided to give up space travel and stay on Odin III, he’s having trouble adjusting to life as a miner. His growing addiction to koblyx isn’t helping…


Episode 19: “The One Who Walks Out” • by Carol Scheina


A mining tragedy on Odin II finally causes Father Luigi to find his true calling…



Episode 20: “Faith and Good Works” • by Pete Wood

After surviving a shuttle crash on Odin II, Father Francis races against time to repair the ship’s emergency beacon and call for help, before the Odin system’s binary suns rise and the survivors bake to death.

Episode 21: “Hunt” • by Jonathan Sherwood


Never forget: in the daylight, Odin III’s native wildlife runs away from humans. After dark, the tables are turned...




Episode 22: “Friends Like Binary Stars” • by Travis Burnham

On Odin III, broken tools are too valuable to be thrown away—even when a tool is as broken as the robot that tried to kill Shelley, Father Luigi, and Father Francis. Ingrid and Sloane-51 try to repair it, but it takes eleven-year-old Vivi to find the crucial missing piece—and it’s not hardware.


Episode 23: “The Disappearing Cat Trick” • by Carol Scheina


Suddenly, cats seem to be everywhere in Odin North, coming and going as they please. Daraja suspects it has something to do with the crystal apple Father Luigi found in Episode 11. What do the cats know that the humans don’t?

Episode 24: “The Ocean of Story” • by Paul Celmer


Another mystery of the Rock People comes to light, and with it, hints at a path to human immortality. But some people don’t want that secret to be found.


Episode 25: “In Triplicate” • by Gustavo Bondoni

Daraja and Constable Jenkins attempt to send the crystal apple back to Earth for further study, but find they’re facing an enemy even they can’t defeat: colonial bureaucracy.  




Episode 26: “The Savior and the Beetle” • by Roxana Arama

Ida has spent her entire life helping people, whether they want her help or not. A new house and a small green beetle teach her a valuable lesson.


Episode 27: “Winds of Possibility” • by Carol Scheina


The townspeople are forced to take shelter in the mines when the worst dust storm in 50 years hits Odin North. But on Odin III, dust storms are no ordinary things…


Episode 28: “Coffee Grounds and Soap Bubbles” • by Travis Burnham


An old prospector learns a valuable lesson: like tools, friends are hard to come by on Odin III, so you’d best not throw them away, no matter how irritating they might sometimes become.


Episode 29: “The Light of Better Days” • by Jonathan Sherwood


Hans finally confronts Aisling, and reveals the secret he’s been keeping for 50 years of what really happened on the last flight of the Song of Akinyi, in the moments before he became unstuck in time.

Episode 30: “Calling” • by Pete Wood


It’s a time of endings, and new beginnings. Father Francis has been recalled to Earth, to take a teaching post. Father Luigi has finally matured, to become the parish priest Odin North needs him to be. And Aisling has one last vision…   

 

Season Two

Episode 31: “Lost and Found” • by Pete Wood

It’s two years later. While Luigi and Shelley are trying to move ahead with plans for their wedding, Daraja is growing concerned. The plasma barrier on the east side of town is breaking down, and the Change Wind storms are becoming more frequent. Thus far the timeline glitches have been fairly minor, but it’s only a matter of time until there’s a major break in the space/time continuum.

Episode 32: “The Song of Her Heart” • by Matt Krizan


Sloane-51, the accidentally liberated A.I., continues to evolve in unexpected ways. Her behavior is becoming more erratic, more unpredictable... more human. When a mine cave-in traps Sloane and Daraja deep underground, her “quirks” might make all the difference between life and death.


Episode 33: “An Infestation in the Mines” • by Carol Scheina


The miners have found something very disturbing down on the 500-meter level, and Popov seeks out expert help to deal with it.

Episode 34: “Dilation” • by Pete Wood

Jonas Gruber draws the short straw and gets sent out to find and fix the gaps in the plasma barrier. To make things worse, his new partner doesn’t seem to know how to shut up—even when they’ve drawn the attention of a stalking night razor.  

 

Episode 35: “A Good Boy” • by Kimberly Ann Smiley

Dr. Peyton, the town pediatrician, has a soft spot for small furry animals of all kinds. When an injured alien creature shows up on her doorstep, she takes it in and nurses it back to health—and in the process, makes a frightening discovery. 

Episode 36: “Stratigraphic Homesick Blues” • by Pauline Barmby

It was either the scientific find of the millennium or… Or whatever it was, it was Nina’s problem now. 

Episode 37: “Odin Speaks in Flowers” • by Travis Burnham

COMING SATURDAY 6/22/24   

 

 


More new episodes coming every Saturday and Tuesday!